How do I go about breaking hundreds of hearts including mine? How do I tell all the people who took Ms Shell into their own souls that all the purrs, all the prayers, all the vibes and the vets who struggled over her care couldn’t save her? How do I explain that this wasn’t going to happen, that Shell was basically to sick to live?
Her blood values stayed high, there was no change for the better in any of her blood work. For the past few days, Shell had been sending me messages that I tried so hard to ignore. Not pooping in the pan, hiding under the bed or tucked back into the clothes. Cats don’t hide for no reason.
So the vet and I talked quite extensively. He has always been caring and a straight shooter when it comes to this situation. This is what he said;
“Mary Anne, if she were your one and only, I would fight like the dickens to keep her alive. I would subject her to more stressful treatments and vet visits knowing all the while that as I was fighting, I was not fighting for her but for you.”
And I knew this, deep in my heart, I knew this was going to be the last time I would see Shell. Because even as I denied it visually, my heart wouldn’t let me deny her the dignity she richly deserved in the end, to be let go while arms that loved her held her, and skilled fingers quickly found the right vein to deliver peace.
Goodbye Sweet Shell, thank you for gracing our lives with your presence. I wish I had met you sooner, before the ravages of the disease conquered your mouth and your ability to live with some quality. I got to you to late, but at least you knew before that last breath, that your life DID matter. You knew warm caresses and embraces. You found food to be plentiful and the Zoom Groom became your best buddy. I’m sorry that all we did wasn’t enough. But you pulled together a world of people who never met you and you created a chain of caring that I have never been privy to before.
That is quite a legacy Shell, for a dilute tortie whose skin used to bleed at the slightest pressure and whose legs resembled chopsticks but whose heart and courage, no one could ever measure.
I will miss you Shell, I will miss you Forever~
For all of you who loved her and prayed for her I say thank you.
And in her honor, in her memory, reach out and help the next stray cat you see on the street who looks as if the world might hate her too. Maybe, just maybe, your help and intervention with that neglected cat will come in time, in enough time to matter~