I cried myself to sleep last night, something I haven’t done in a very long time. After so many years of rescuing, you develop a- I don’t know a callousness about letting go. I think it is to protect your heart, because if you let every cat walk into your heart- you would never survive the rigors of rescue.
But Shell, she shattered that force-field and walked right into my heart early. Her scrawny body deprived of what every cat should have; food, shelter, comfort, love, vet care. A walking skeleton a cat whose presence shone over the others here under my care. And she softened me and told me her story and asked me to tell others. This was her mission, to let others know who turn a blind eye to the suffering of stray cats what can happen when someone feeds and doesn’t neuter, or feeds and doesn’t care to do anything else- or in Shell’s case, landing with someone who didn’t feed but who protests to this day that she “Cared deeply for Pattycakes!” Pattycakes, how ironic that a name so sweet would be placed on a cat who wasn’t even being given a dose of love in her day.
How many years did she hang on? How much did she suffer in the dark, in the cold, surrounded by cats who were tougher and could win whenever food did appear or could escape that prison they were confined in and at least hunt for some type of protein. But yet she hung on and she burst into my life and turned on my caring button and I never looked back.
I cried myself to sleep last night- and the amazing part of that is I don’t think I was alone.
It says in the Bible that God collects our tears in a bottle. This morning, I believe he presented many bottles to our Ms. Shell and said “Shell, these are for you, and this confirms that in the end, YOUR Life, it DID matter. It mattered a lot!”
Oh, dear, we can just imagine the depth of your tears over little Shell. What a terrible life she must have had to have become so ill. Every life matters.
Oh MA, it did matter… so much!
Shell came like a hurricane – fast and furious, to show us: Pay attention! Look around, look at the forgotten, and when you pass them by, take a step back and take a second look… She came to show us how precious time is, how powerful love can be, and that there is still undeniable faith and beauty in humanity.
So many people from around the World came together to help saving her tiny little life… People who had never seen her, never touched her, but yet loved her like one of their own.
It was just so beautiful to watch… Shell was surrounded by angels… Now she is one of them…
Shell did matter… a lot… for each one of us who had the luck to be part of her journey….
Hang in there MA,
Love,
All of Us
I feel your tears and feel your pain. ittle Shell was loved by so many and brought us all together. We all cared and even though we have never met each other we are a community filled with love, friendship and caring. Shell is at peace now and she knew before she went what love was. You did a good job.. Love Carol and GJ x
We are so very sorry for your loss. Your post is so beautifully written, it made my mom person cry. I’m so thankful that Shell found you & that she was able to know love.
We will keep you in our prayers,
Oskar & Pam
It did matter and I am deeply sorry for your lost.I’m glad there are true angels like you in this world.Thank you for loving Shell and giving her a good home….Love and hugs Ariel
It mattered, yeah, it mattered. A lot. We are so sorry for your loss. Shell deserved much more than she got.
A question: Is this ‘owner’ OK mentally? We have a hard time understanding why someone who ‘cared deeply’ would have let her get to this condition without trying to do something to help her.
We are so sorry to hear that you had to help Sweet Shell to the bridge. It is so hard to make that decision, but it is the most loving gift you can give, because you are breaking your own heart while helping a loved one not suffer any more. She was given the most precious gift the last few weeks of her life – someone who loved her unconditionally. We are purring for you.
Cody and Gracie (and mom-Tara)
Goodbye, Shell. Fank you for coming in to all our lives, even if it was only for a little while. You proved just how brave a kitteh can be.
Dear Mary Anne ~ As I sit here at my keyboard weeping unrestrainedly, the tears blurring the words so badly that I don’t even care any longer that I’m mis-spelling them.. My nose is drooling and the kleenex is beyond full… I want to tell you things… I want you to know that what you did mattered.. That Shell mattered… That her little spirit touched so many people who will never have the opportunity to know her, but … who know her… and know you…. And count themselves Blessed in that knowing.. Knowing that this world still holds *angels* like you… Knowing this, makes the Shell-shaped hole in all our hearts a teeensy bit easier to live with … I wish so badly that this magic wand I’ve been dreaming of all my life, I wish I could have waved it more frenetically, enthusiastically, BIGGER more, better… Purrrayed harder.. But no… I know that’s not how it goes… And the lessons that Sweet Shell has given us and the BLESSINGS that Sweet Shell has Gifted us, all these things, they are priceless beyond measure keeping us connected and HERE NOW and yes, even RAW .. even that is a Blessing.. because when we get numb, we lose our humanity. I grieve with you … Grieve deeply with this Community which is Shell’s Legacy. I’ll be seeing you on the flip side, Sweet Shell.. My Puck will show you around, he’s been my partner at the Rainbow Bridge… He knows all the best fishing spots and all the warmest patches and the sweetest grass… I shall miss the space that Shell occupied on this Earth, and I thank you, Mary Anne from the depth of my heart, for allowing her to matter, and for sharing her with us.
>^,,^<
We second what Happy Cat Family said.
Very well put.
She did come in like a hurricane, a quiet hurricane.
And having had her touch our lives, we will never ever be the same.
We will certainly never forget her.
And what all of you said.
That Shell brought all of us closer together.
And she showed us how very brave one small cat could be.
And all of this was made possible by Mary Anne. Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes, when we least expect it a beautiful cat crawls into our arms and heart. Shell sounds like an amazing cat. I wish I had known her. My thoughts are with you. RIP sweet Shell.
Your pal, Pip
God bless and keep you, and Shell as well. You did everything you could for that little kitty. The world needs more people like you.
I just heard the news about Shell and I am so very sad that despite your valiant effort she could not be saved! You did the right thing to let her go, Shell knew that you loved her and she trusted you to make the decision that would help her to be peace.
Far from alone, Shell has touched so many and your words are full of strength and compassion. I am sure you don’t feel strong now, but I so admire you for all you did for Shell, and how you loved her so…
I know your heart is broken. You tried so hard.
We went back and read the past stories,,, our heart breaks with yours.
You did the right thing to let go…. it matters- yes it does
xoxo
tweedles
Oh Mary Anne, Im so very sad to hear that Shell had to go to the bridge. And to say the Shell’s life mattered is like saying that breathing is sort of nice. She touched so very many people, and I’m sure will continue to be a presence in many lives.
I work in rescue every day, and she still touched my heart…no…more like she sucker-punched it. I am deeply grateful to you for giving her the chance to know love and care, even if only for a short time; and I’m grateful to you for sharing her with us and allowing us to love and care right along side you.
You will always carry a shell-shaped hole in your heart, and one day, another will come along and squeeze in next to that hole…and your heart will just grow a little larger to accommodate.
Thank you for making room in your heart for Shell, we will never forget her. And thank you for being stong enough to make that final devastating and selfless decision to let her go. I’m glad she had you to hold her for the journey.
Mell
Those bottles of tears are still being filled by people all over the world reading what you write. I hope you do not mind but I have quoted some of what you wrote on my blog.
You did the right thing.
I wish there were more people on the planet like you. You are a candle in a very dark world of animal suffering.
When you love so deeply, it is bound to be painful, and we are sorry for your suffering. Love is a two sided coin.
But we agree ~ Shell’s life touched so many, and did matter. She did teach us all about bravery and the importance of human responsibility, and love. And for that we are grateful.
Thank you for helping her so much. If only more people were like you.
I am so sorry to read this, i have never been as upset over a cat i have never met. I am also sorry that people have been questioning your decision – you were the one caring for her, you knew her the best. Sadly sometimes all we can do is love them till they tell us they are ready and that is the hardest part of rescue – it is never as long as they deserve.
Please don’t feel too guilty about letting her go when you did – we all know how well cats hide things, i have had a cat with severe mouth ulcers and they just carry on with things like there is no problem – when we would have stopped eating they are still acting normally.
While you didn’t get to her soon enough to save her, you got to give her so much love, attention and nice things to make up for her past and then to allow her to go peacefully with someone who loved her dearly and that is so important. I do hope her story opens peoples eyes to strays and helps save other cats. RIP Shell, you touched so many people.