Hope just died…

The little manx kitten who I had been PROMISED would have been immediately taken to the vet and seen- the sister of the three kitties already here has been put to sleep.

Something told me this morning to stop at the house where I got these kittens and find out the result of the vet visit and to my dismay, I see the woman on her front porch cuddling this kitten and the kitten is pooping all over her shirt.

As calmly as I could, and I was NOT calm, I went over and talked to the woman and asked her why she didn’t do as she promised she would? “Oh she is so cute, she is eating, and pooping and peeing, I just couldn’t let her go!”

I very not calmly started kicking myself in the ass for NOT taking this kitten from the woman in the FIRST place, I asked the woman to surrender this little girl to me so I could take her to the vet.

At first, she didn’t want to but when I pointed out that there was a huge load of poop looming out of that tiny rectum-she sighed and handed her over. I almost raced to the car and beat the speed limit getting to the vet- where Hope was examined and found to be structurally defected. Even her anal glands were not located in the right place and her little stub of a tail was broke as well. Her spine was out of alignment and she was clearly suffering. I kissed her tiny head and told her I was so sorry and we let her go.

What the hell? Was this person just going to stay on the porch with this dying kitten until it died in her arms? And why didn’t I insist on taking the kitten in the first place becoming more forceful as the woman kept assurring me over and over that as soon as I left she would take her in?

I’m sorry, I am just so angry and anger gave way to tears of despair on the ride home. I thank God that I listened to that small voice telling me to check up on the kitten’s progress or lack thereof- The woman seemed so sincere and I trusted her to do the right thing and the kitten had to suffer for it.

Light a candle in your window for Hope who is on her way to a much better place where stupid, ignorant people are not allowed to enter.

6 thoughts on “Hope just died…

  1. I just lit a candle for this little one.

    It’s angering and heartbreaking for sure. But all I can see right now is someone who CARED. And someone who had that little voice; someone that listened to it. I cry for this baby’s suffering. But I am grateful that she is suffering no more.

  2. Thanks Laurie- I have calmed down a bit- but I know why I didn’t take her in the first place, it was for selfish reasons. I had just gotten my vet bill down to a manageable level and I knew I didn’t have the funds readily available that this little one needed. My problem is I have the time for these cats, some knowledge of how to care for them, patience and love and the room. What I sorely lack is the funds needed to care for them when an emergency comes up. So I thought, well here is this good samaritan who will pay for the visit and the euthanization as I knew full well this baby did not stand a chance. And I took the other littermates and left this one with her. Lesson learned- ironically what I was trying to avoid, I have to address now- the funds for the vet visit and for the Final Solution.

    I told my vet tonight that I know that it is part of his profession to euthanize but I was so sorry to bring this solution to his table as much as I do. He told me, “Mary Anne, we don’t like to see them suffer either.”

    Now she is gone, she is whole and for a very brief second, she was loved.

  3. Oh Mary Anne this story breaks my heart. How difficult this must have been for you. Today at the office, Nancy and I were just talking about how much admiration we have for you and the many challenges you face with your animals. We were remarking how we both enjoy following this website as you chronicle your daily struggles and triumphs. We were so touched about the outside kitty you adopted who now resides in your barn, but this current problem clearly was a horrible situation you had to deal with. Some people are just ignorant though – don’t beat yourself up over this; you did everything possible to help the kitten and you took the woman at her word. The kitten is no longer suffering and that is due to you. I will make a donation next week of what I can and (as I mentioned before) when my finances (and taxes) are in order – your shelter is my #1 charity donation. I hope the rest of your week goes better.

  4. A situation like this is very difficult, but try not to be too hard on the woman you thought would take Hope to the vet. It may be that she was like many others who saw the cat doing what it should be and believed all was well. As long as Hope was doing that, the woman may have thought she had a chance at survival. She was foolish, but she cared – not in the right way, but she cared. Poor Hope never stood a chance, but you found her and helped to end her suffering. It has to be enough for that little creature.

  5. We are so very sorry – both for you and for Hope. Sometimes we keep trying to have faith in people only to be disappointed – but we have to keep trying as we do run across those that come through. It never gets easier, but sometimes the best we can do for them is let them go.

  6. my apologies to my readers. As I read my posting, I understand that what I was doing was turning despair into anger. I think it is easier on humans to work with emotions of anger then to deal with grief, sadness and pain. I am passionate about what I do. It is how I am, how I was wired. I get tired of ignorance and cruelty in the world (as I am sure all of you do as well) especially towards children and animals. For me it is easier to deal with anger even though it is a strong emotion- then to turn around and deal with the crushing weight of sadness I feel every time I run into a creature who has suffered needlessly. I was also angry at myself for not just taking Hope in the first place and that is something which happens often in my life.

    I was asked once on this blog, why I post like I do? How come I don’t look up keywords, sign up with word tracker, research links and become known in the high traffic circle. I answered this person that I post the truth of my life- a glimpse into the day of a life of a cat rescuer- the ups, the downs, the rewards, the defeats. My hope is somewhere in this cyber world my words reach people who might look beyond themselves and notice that natty stray cat in the backyard, the one who is scavenging for food and does something about it.

    With my other website, kitten-rescue.com I get the traffic. I am proud to say that the website that took me months of sweat to get together has saved kittens all over the world. A soldier in combat recently wrote to me that he had found several small kittens in the rubble of the war. They were so young, hungry and terrified and he wanted to help them- with kitten-rescue and emails they were helped and now two of them ride around in his rucksack and keep him grounded to the reality of life.

    So this is my arena- my way of giving back to the many cats who I have cared for, the ones who have lived and the ones who pass in my hands. I hope somewhere along the way, someone will find me who needs a bit of instruction towards caring for a scared adult cat or kitten they just brought into their life.

    I sit here with Tover on my lap, his head on my arm as I type. McGee is sleeping near the keyboard waking up in spurts and playing with my fingers with her claws sheathed (thank You God). Vaughn is sleeping on the lower part of the computer shelf- tucked back into the darkness not a care in the world and Grainger is keeping watch from above on the printer while Squirrel is crying to go outside. I won’t be letting her out today even though she is an inside-outside kitty. Last night, a raccoon was killed on the road quite near the end of our driveway. I heard the hit and ran outside with a flashlight to find the young coon dead. I shoveled him out of the road and in my bathrobe and slippers was throwing bleach on the kill stain to keep others cats and dogs out of the road. Then I prayed for the poor critter who had the misfortune of finding death and it started to rain. It is still raining now. Am I tired? yes, am I crazy? Probably- but this is my life. This is what I do-

    thanks for listening

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