Life around here is in flux. Mike is procrastinating about what type of treatment he is going to go through, and he has decided to wait for three months before going ahead with any treatment. I am not sure how I feel about this. The specialist said that waiting three months is a safe waiting period, that prostate cancer when it does move it is moves fairly slow. But it is cancer after all, and one would think that if you had it inside of your body and you knew about it, getting rid of it would be first priority. But, Mike doesn’t want to do anything right now, so I think he is just processing everything.
I find that I get mad easily these days. I was talking with a friend of mine who also went through this with her husband Tom. I told her that I don’t think I’m mad at Mike, he really is an easy-going guy and he loves me. But I am mad at the disease and so I lash out in frustration. She said she understands completely. She used to do the same with Tom (who has since passed away) His cancer was in the brain stem.
So, I am trying to take things a bit easier and the cats help a great deal. I know that when I come into the room and they scatter from me, that my emotions are playing to close to the edge and so I pull back. They are my mood indicators, aware even before I am of how I am feeling.
Kodie has to have surgery again. The vet isn’t liking the drainage still occurring, the type of gunk coming out and how she is still swollen when she shouldn’t be. He pulled the tubes the other day hoping that the swelling would go down, but it hasn’t. Poor Kodie, I don’t know if she can handle any more stress- I don’t know if I can either.
Don called me yesterday. Of all people for him to call me! He is apparently getting married again and when he told me about his wife-to-be, my comment to him was he didn’t sound very happy about this upcoming event. He said that those around him are telling him not to marry her, and the people who know her are trying to bust them up. Smart people (sorry Lord, but they are) I just hope he treats her better than he treated me when we were married. He called pretty close to his birthday and seemed surprised when I wished him a happy one. But I do, what transpired between me and him happened a lifetime ago.
Our son would have been thirty-one years old this June. I wonder what he would have been like? I remember seeing him before they whisked him away and he had the longest legs of any baby I had ever seen. I remember his red hair, and then my last memory of my newborn son was him turning blue and the doctors putting me back under. See what you do Don when you call me? You dredge up past memories and make me wade through pain all over again. I hope you will be happy though, because so far, you haven’t been able to find whatever it is you are lacking.
On the cat front- Livingston is now a fully-trusting kitty. He even stays in the room now when the dog runs in, a triumph for this feral baby who was mauled by a feral dog many months ago. Because of treats from Plain Brown Tabby Livingston and I have formed a trust. He even allowed me to pick him up the other day and snuggle him quickly, then I had to put him down. We are keeping him though. I can’t trust anyone else with his welfare.