Over ten years ago, I met through the internet a gal in Australia who rescued kittens. We hooked up to create an article for a website that is still in existence today for cat lovers. On the strength of that article, it was suggested by the webmaster that we both create a website for people who found themselves with abandoned or sickly orphaned kittens. It took us almost a year to create kitten-rescue and in that time frame, we became really good cyber friends.
We would meet in the wee hours of the morning (for me) because of the time difference between us on Messenger and talk and email back and forth. Tania, eventually shared with me her horror stories of her childhood (she was a survivor of incest) She would tell me that the pain in her today would lead her to cut herself and at times, she would talk of suicide.
I encouraged her, urged her, pleaded with her to find help. She would laugh and tell me; “Cobber, I am beyond help!” Then she would change the subject to include the latest rescued kitten she was working with. She was the best caregiver for those orphans and our website includes all of her tips and expertise she could offer.
She called me one night quite late in 2008. She told me that there had been an incident and she had accidentally hit a policeman with her car! She had been driving recklessly (but she was not drunk or high) apparently, I learned later, she was on a suicide run that night. She said she was going away for a long time and before she went, she wanted to send me something for the cats. She was talking about a lot of money and I told her that she needed to keep it for legal fees or for her future. She said “Cobber, where I am going, I won’t need it.”
That was the last time I heard from her. The monies arrived about two weeks later with a note attached from Tania. I had no idea what happened to her and tried to trace her but came up empty. The letters I sent her came back undeliverable, her phone disconnected. The silence between us was so unnatural. We used to communicate every night and I missed her a lot.
About four days ago there was an email in my in-bin sent to me by a former friend of hers. Maddie sent me this link, She found me while looking for Tania online. She also sent me this link Jail time
Maddie hadn’t heard from Tania for five years. Like me, she felt this was unnatural and her head was saying like mine was that Tania had finally achieved her goal and taken her life. But, like me, her heart refused to believe it. Then in the coming days, Maddie started doing some investigating and sadly, she found this: RIP
Our heads were right, Tania was gone and no longer in pain. How sad, that she could rescue all those orphaned cats and kittens that crossed her path, but she was unable to reclaim her life, rise above the abuse she suffered and find her own way to happiness.
Tania I hope you finally found your peace:
So sorry! What a horribly sad ending for such a wonderful, young woman!
Oh no. I remember hearing about her and the work you two did, over the years. I am so very sorry.
How sad for you and Maddie and especially for Tania. I hope the help she was able to give to cats, and her lasting memorial at kitten-rescue, brought her some pleasure while she was able to feel it.
How terrible it is that a childhood that should be full of wonder and innocence can be so tragic and painful that it kills years later. Tania was murdered by whoever victimized her years before.
The demons we live with… They finally won in Tania’s case. I am sorry for the loss of her life, and the private pain she endured all of her life.
I am so sorry to read this..I thought it ironic that you found out almost 4 yrs to the day! My condolences on the loss of your internet friend.. It’s amazing how close we can get to people without ever meeting them! I wish people who are suicidal would realize that although their pain is gone, their death impacts many of those that loved them. I lost my beloved brother in law 2 years ago to suicide and it hit our family hard!
You know, I didn’t even realize the date significance. Although my heart knew she was gone- there was no way to truly verify it. I guess you could say in this case kitten-rescue rescued two people who truly loved Tania. Had I not been in contact with Maddie, I don’t think she would have had the strength to continue the search for Tania. I have made another cyber-friend here- our love for Tania binds us together. A few years after she dropped out of contact, I received another email from a gentleman named Paul. He was a leader on a mental health list and he too was searching for Tania. He said her last few messages on the list set off alarm bells and whistles and he wanted to know if I knew how to get in contact with her. We emailed for a few months then lost touch. He said he knew in his heart she had killed herself. 🙁 The time he entered my life in emails coincides with the time she did indeed end her life. Unfortunately due to a recent computer melt-down, I have no way to contact him. I think her end of life could be a lesson for others on the list, but I don’t even remember the name of the list. 🙁
aww I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. So often the wounds lead to scars so deep they can not be overcome. Hopefully Paul will find you again.