Before the death of Chappy, I could feel the beginnings of self-doubt and questions were forming about what I was actually doing to my life. When I get like this (and there are times the emotions overwhelm) I usually get up really early in the morning and drive to the Lake. I find peace there, talk to God in the quiet- where if He wanted to speak to me- I might actually hear Him. After Benson’s ticket got punched, I woke the next morning feeling such an emotional low. It was about 4:00 a.m. a common time I wake up- because for many years when I was feeding feral colonies around town, this was the best time to feed. I couldn’t go back to sleep and finally decided to just drive to the Lake. About 15 minutes from the house. It was my intention to clear the slate- have it out with God about this contract and this path He has put me on.
I have been there several times in the last few years, to the point of just calling it quits this Rescue Game. The emotional highs and lows can be a bit of a roller coaster ride you would like to jump off of. I had told myself after losing Benson that I was done. It was over, someone else could jump in and take over.
So, I drove up to the Lake, to talk to God. To get it square- to get out of the contract. To have a normal life again and not have to see any more cats suffer. Yep, I had it all figured out.
When I got to the Lake, I turned off the truck and rolled down the window. The Lake is known to be a hot spot for meth heads, so I don’t usually get out of the truck unless I have my fish bopper nearby. So there I was, sitting there breathing in the fresh air, listening to the crickets, the frogs and the splash of the fish on the Lake…and then even though it was raining- I hear a tiny “Meow!”
Without thinking, I grab my flashlight and jump out of the truck shining the light around the area looking for eyeshine- there, by the tree right by where I parked, I see eyeshine. It’s green not red so it wasn’t wildlife. It was a little female kitten soaking wet and trembling. I walk over talking (what Mike calls my “kitty mumbles”) and the kitten doesn’t flee. She meows again, allows me to pick her up, wrap her tight and she stayed on my lap the entire ride home. I had the heater just blaring- she was bone skinny and so cold.
Got home, gave her warming fluids and warmed up some AD and she scarfed both offerings down! I looked skyward and said to God: “OK I get your point!”
The point is, I can’t be in life who I am not in person. I can’t just leave rescue and ignore the suffering of these beautiful animals. There isn’t anyone else in this area that will take on some of the cats and kittens that come through our sanctuary. Do they all make it? No, but when they are here- they don’t suffer any more, or they suffer less because God has given me the gift to know they are suffering, despite what the experts think!
We call her Lake:
Then one of my blog followers reached out to me in private. His gift to me will be shared in another post- not this one.