I have been concerned in the last few days, about how the 4th will affect the burn babies. Afterall, two kittens who will run in terror when I put a bag of groceries on the kitchen floor, or turn on the coffee grinder – how will all the whiz bang that goes on after dark. How or what will it manifest itself as on the 4th?

If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I would have never believed it. I’ve never witnessed it before. They ran to the chaos. They were fascinated with the noise and the lights. Instead of running away and finding a place to hide (that I wouldn’t locate in days) they loved the show!

Both of them stayed together, almost hugging each other and went to the windows and doors looking out into the night sky that was exploding with color and noise.I was texting a friend (in disbelief) at the time. She asked me what I thought they were thinking? I considered the comment for a moment and typed back:

“I think they feel like after all they have been through, this is a walk in the park.”

This morning, they are still hugging bodies and sitting at the front door looking outside.Maybe they are waiting for the second act to begin? We got lucky this year, all my neighbors went elsewhere to celebrate. That never happens, generally they hold big family gatherings and shoot off till morning. But there are other homes on the highway and they were certainly celebrating as loud as they could. It was just astounding to me watching their curiosity grow at every bang they heard.

It never gets any easier, even when you know that it’s just right around the corner.  That day when you have to make a very difficult decision regarding the euthanasia of your cat. Baker started slipping quickly downhill two days ago. It started with continuous vocalization- lasting even through the night and morning hours. Repeated visits out to his enclosure, only made him more agitated in his tone. He stopped eating, drinking, peeing and yesterday he vomited blood.

I had been holding on for a miracle. The prescription food was working for awhile, but just like the medications, they couldn’t keep what was already in motion from happening. I suppose in the long-run, while I was praying for a miracle  God delivered an unexpected one this morning. When I called the vet and told the girl what was going on, I was given the only appointment left open for the holiday weekend- the emergency appointment at 9:00..

I held Mr. Baker in my arms, as he was sedated and drifted off to sleep. I laid his 19 year old body  gently down on the table.. The  process continued. When the plunger hit home, he stopped breathing.

19 years ago, someone tossed him out of a car from the highway. He was just a baby kitten. He scrambled up one of our trees and Mike climbed up the tree to fetch him. That’s how long ago this arrival has been. He’s been with us ever since.

Now, I am praying for a second miracle, there was only $3.63 in the kitty. I wrote a check for $250.00 and they are holding it until my check comes on the 17th. I have been taking my own budget and buying food and paying the vet from its meager content. It’s what I do, they always come first.

I suppose, I could have put off this decision until Baker really started to suffer- but what kind of rescuer would that make me? Not a good one, I am afraid.

So Baker is gone and he will be sorely missed. My neighbors would get the biggest kick out of him as he did his daily walk-abouts only on our land, and then when he was done, he would follow me back to the enclosure wait till I opened the door and he would go in. Just like a well-trained dog. I never taught him this. It was just his way of saying good morning- and now good night to his world.

Yes, he will be missed…..

Oppressive heat has settled on the Pacific Northwest. I have lived here for over 30 years and I have never seen it hit triple digit numbers in my backyard consecutively. Yesterday, I drug out Kota’s old kiddie pools (there are three of them all have holes.) I stacked them up together, filled them with water and put the pool in the middle of my backyard. I put several large boulders in the pool so that the birds and other critters could get a much needed bath or drink. Our Little Creek is quite little- it is completely dry.

Last night, I woke up to these strange sounds outside.so I looked out the back window. Most of the motion detector lights were on by the barn, and the glow reflected the most amazing sight. There were several critters in the pool! A skunk was bathing, a racoon was washing his hands and a possum was perched on one of the boulders drinking.

I knew that my cell phone camera light wouldn’t carry that far, and if I turned on the porch light, these dehydrated critters would scram. So, Kota and I perched at the window for about 20 minutes watching this wild pool party taking place. Kota was a bit out of it- I had to take him to the vet yesterday as his allergies had gone up into another level. They have him on an antibiotic, a painkiller and prednisone as well as a special antiseptic spray for all his inflamed areas of skin. The pred makes him over-pant (just what he needs right now!) it makes him eat more and sleep more. I was glad he didn’t bark or react. From the look of the critters in the pool, they seemed to really be enjoying the exposure to the pool.

Today it is 111 degrees F and I have refilled the pool and added a few more rocks. I went out to check on the cats earlier,  two of them were perched on the rocks drinking out of this pool. They have bowls of water all over the property but maybe they just wanted to get their feet wet.

We are supposed to continue with the hot weather all next week. At least the local wildlife know where they can come and take a dip without worrying about traffic when crossing the highway on their way to the river.

Kota and I set out fairly early in the morning (before the heat hits) and go for a walk. It helps me to clear out the cobwebs that accumulate in my brain. I talk to God and try to find His answer in the beauty of the Pacific Northwest. So much is going wrong so quickly right now with our rescue. The challenge is to find the balance within to solve the problems that have developed in the last 72 hours. I found out that I stand a strong chance of losing my place if I can’t make the much-needed corrections (according to my insurance company). I have managed to make it on a list for home repairs- but I only have one year to get my carport rebuilt. My contractor did not finish the original build. He claims he ran out of money. I wanted to have the carport demolished, but three contractors (one retired and just offering his advice) have all told me that if I do that, one section of my wall of my home will just collapse.

Added to that pressure, the DIY flooring that I so proudly accomplished myself, well it was not “approved” and therefore, I need to replace it with approved flooring within a year. This all slammed into me a few days ago. I am still trying to sort the issues out in my head. Walking and talking to God helps. One of the other benefits of wearing a mask is you can talk to yourself and no one will notice.

We are also spending $152.00 every two months for prescription food to keep some of the seniors from dying  of kidney issues. The dry food is working, but it cuts severely into the budget for the regular dry and canned food and paying the vet debt. But, the fight continues, and the walking helps.

Yesterday, this was our walk-about. The one thing that I regret is my cell phone ran out of charge. I missed taking a picture of the deer coming down to the river to drink, the immature bald eagle tearing open a trout and the gathering of over a dozen swallowtail butterflies that came down to the river to get water. That was amazing. But here are the photos that I did take for those of you still in lockdown. We are almost a week (supposedly) of opening up all the way here in Oregon. I’m not holding my breath though, because it seems like every time the Governor decides to open up, people get sick and we shut down again.I wish we had taken a page from Australia’s attack on the Coronavirus. But everyone is doing their own thing (or so it seems).

At any rate, I hope you enjoy the photos as much as Kota and I enjoy our walk-abouts. in the very last photo, Kota is alerting to big Crawdad that was busy burying himself into the mud.

As always, stay safe and keep loving and living-

Working with PTSD kittens has its many challenges and bumps along the road. Yesterday, it was time to de-flea everyone. I generally use Revolution as it not only kills fleas, but also earmites. The clinic was out due to Covid, so I switched to Advantage and administered all the doses. No problem until it came to Ash’s turn.

A few minutes after she received her proper dose, she let out this shrill series of meows and started foaming at the mouth. Still screaming, she raced through the house, foaming as if she were rabid and poop just flying out of her rear. I have never encountered such a reaction. Foaming, yes, if they lick at where the application spot was located, but she was dosed (as were they all) on the back of the neck. It took me 45 minutes to corral her into the bathroom and examine her.

She was in a high state of agitation, pawing at the ground, shaking her head. I was scared. I grabbed the DAWN and gave her three baths in a row. Needless to say, she was not compliant in getting a bath although they had many baths when they first arrived here due to the exposure of the ashes and toxins from the wildfires.

I sat down on the floor and dried her off. She was violently shaking for about 30 minutes after the bath even though she was bone dry at the time. I promised her it would never happen again. I apologized over and over for hurting her. She was not impressed. All she wanted to do was escape her jailer. When I opened the bathroom door finally, she streaked out and ducked into her cave,

I don’t like putting chemicals on cats, but I also know first-hand the real damage that fleas can do to kittens and cats, Just that knowledge, cancels out my feelings about these flea treatments. I’ve tried the natural remedies,  most of them out there do not solve the problem effectively when you have so many cats- some of them being unapproachable.

I didn’t pursue her, nor did I force her out of hiding and demand of her  to stay on my lap. I just let her be and let her decompress from her horror. She has not once since being here, jumped on my lap or even made an appearance from her cave until sunset. I wanted so badly to comfort her, but I also knew that forcing things on her is a bad move.

I had fallen asleep in my chair when I felt a cat jump on my lap. Woke up and it was getting dark. I figured Magoo (who just recently started testing out my lap) was asking for food. I turned on the light and to my surprise, Ash was on my lap! I did not make eye-contact, just turned the light off and waited to see what she would do next. She laid down on my lap, I covered her up with my lap quilt. It was 3:00 p.m at the time. I put my world on hold and sat with her until 8:00 p.m.She wasn’t trembling, I got the sense that she was thanking me. She did not try to bite me or hurt me. On her own accord, she jumped down at 8:00 and ran over to the food bin. It was past time for dinner.

This morning at 4:00 a.m. (always my wake-up time to feed the ferals outside) She jumped on the bed and woke me up by walking up to my chest, snuggling down and kneading her way into my armpit. It hurt like the dickens to be kneaded there, but I took it all in and thanked God for this “breakthrough.”

As i sit here processing the events of yesterday and this morning, I have to wonder if her sensitivity to this chemical might have something to do with the toxins she inhaled during those awful first days of her life? I can’t figure out a few things:  How when they both were trying to survive, searching for mom (who died in the fire), they both suckled the environment around them. Unhealthy as it was, it was the only thing available for them to eat. Although both of them (when first stimulated) were pooping ashes, dirt, gravel and small twigs- Magoo was never as sick as Ash. He was also able to be stimulated and fed without vomiting up the formula or trying to shred my hand and going ballistic anytime a moist cotton ball was placed on his rectum. Their eyes were still shut  when they first arrived here. Perhaps Magoo had been able to get some nutrition from mom before Ash did? We will never know.

What I do know is that Ash will never have Advantage touch her skin again. In such a shared horrible experience for both of us, she has finally decided to trust me. I am also glad although she fought the multiple baths horribly yesterday, that I decided it prudent to give her three baths at once. Hopefully I got most of the toxin off her body before it did irreparable harm. I never purchase store-bought flea treatment. I always buy from the vet. Some of the flea treatments sitting on store shelves are counterfeit and can cause great damage. With the vets you know that it is coming straight in from the source. Yesterday, there was finally a breakthrough, but not one I would ever hope to experience again…

I believe that Ash is coming out of her shell. She’s such a funny duck. If I pet her more than a minute or two, she will sit up on her rear and box me with her front claws like Mike Tyson going in the for the kill. She has done that since coming back from the vet, the final time. Only now, instead of her claws being out and trying to bite me, she keeps her claws sheathed. (Thankfully) so my hands do not look like shredded meat.

If I keep the front door open to bring more air into the house, she stands guard at the security screen. Should Bentley or Twist come up to say hello, she will back up and charge the door. Funny thing to witness how brave she is when there is a screen door between her and the outside world.

It still feels as if there are no cats in the house. They both spend a lot of time still underneath the coffee table. If they jump on the bed at night to sleep with me, it is short-lived and they jump down almost immediately. Just working with them slowly so they can understand nothing here will hurt them. Both of them, I have discovered have the beginnings of stomatitis (gum rot). We have never seen one-year old kittens with such bad gums. It’s quite sad and painful to both. We need to get the special veterinary dry food- but $37.00 for a six pound bag is not attainable at this time. The challenge is how do you brush the teeth of kittens who already have so many private demons they are chasing? Especially Ash who is still deathly afraid of hands. We will figure it out.

The latest arrival, Maverick who arrived yesterday, dumped in my driveway did not make it. Her gums were yellow indicating liver problems and she went to the Bridge last night. But Life goes on, one day at a time.

Stay safe everyone-

Taking my morning stroll with Kota back to the creek (today in dense fog) I heard the flapping of immense wings. Straining to see through the mist coming off the creek, I looked up and directly over my head, I saw this beautiful grey heron. He was scoping out the creek (the water is over the level due to the last few days of heavy rains. Suddenly, he swooped down and carried off a fish for his breakfast. It was magical for me. The last few months have been so tough for so many. Some of us in lock-down, removed from the people we love and who love us.

Seeing this majestic bird slammed home to me why Mike and I bought this place. At the time (30 years ago) the house was in shambles. The outside stairs leading up the second floor, wasn’t deemed safe. But we fell in love with the land and all the creatures that came with it:deer, coyote, raccoons, possums, skunks and even cougars. Although most of the the larger predators have moved on, walking the property and pausing in the trees helps me find balance in my day. Two days ago, I saw an eagle in my back pasture. I haven’t seen a eagle at our place in at least ten years..

Today, the gas man cometh. My stove has grown to be quite bi-polar. Sometimes, it works but mostly it either won’t light on the right side, or it whooshes up. I haven’t been using that side of my stove for a few months. I’m also hoping that he will help me move my stove out. I have a sneaking suspicion that the contractors left another hole in my wall as mice are still quite prevalent in my kitchen. Magoo and Ash have honed their hunting skills and last night they were alerting to my stove. When I shone my flashlight between the stove and the cupboard, I saw a gray field mice running the line of the wall.

I discovered a few months ago, that they left a big hole open behind my refrigerator (which I plugged with a steel plate). I am hoping I find a hole behind my stove- otherwise, I have no clue where these critters are getting in. I keep trying to entice Twist into the house. She is full feral and my best hunter- but she wants nothing to do with it. She has been outside her entire life after she was offered up as bait as a young kitten to a boa constrictor. 🙁 Can I even blame her that she steers clear of humans? No, I cannot, but I keep hoping that just one time she will step over the doorway and take on the hunt.

I did buy a few of those “humane” mouse traps. The slogan is “The mice go in, but they don’t come out!” Yes they do come out of the trap all the time, except first they eat all the peanut butter you spread on the pad and leave their droppings behind. LOL I am being outsmarted by a mouse. Don’t waste your money buying them- they do not work.

Thank you to those who donated to our cause recently. We were able to buy 4- 30 can cases of Fancy Feast, 2, 40 can cases of Friskies and 4,  40 pound bags of Cat Chow. Also we put a few dollars on our vet bill.I wish I didn’t have to purchase the food through walmart (after they kicked us to curb a few months ago). But we needed the food now, not in a week which is what happens when we order online.

Have a safe and sane Memorial weekend.We are staying put here with the animals.

My apologies for not posting sooner, but I did not wish to jinx what was going on. Four days ago, right after they did an ultrasound (and found nothing wrong except tarsel tunnel) which I already knew I had. The symptoms stopped occurring. Just as quickly as they started, they have stopped. No extreme fatigue. No falling asleep while I am eating. (That scared me the most). The night sweats, leg cramps and inability to not be able to walk that came and went… It’s all gone away. (TYG)

I even tested it yesterday and took Kota for his first walk since March.We went on the walking trail for two hours and it felt wonderful! Even the constant chills have vanished.

They still want to do the cat scan which is next Monday. But, I have my life back.I am so grateful for that. Thank you for those who prayed and worried and wrote to me privately. I do appreciate you all. All of this made me really miss my two M’s (Mike and Molly) The burn kitties do not seem to offer much comfort. They are still spending a large amount of time hiding underneath my coffee table. My hope is one day, they will come out of hiding permanently instead of just at meal times and litter pan visits.

Speaking of meals, if anyone could throw a few dollars our way, we are down to one bag of Cat Chow and 6 cans of Fancy Feast. Burn kitties may live in seclusion, but boy can they eat! LOL They were just recently dewormed. I believe it may be from the fact that right after they were born, they were forced to eat the dirt and ashes that surrounded them. Magoo will, after he has polished off his food, bat the bowl away from Ash and steal her food too! He is such a scamp.

After he eats, he goes to the cat food closet and sits there looking at me accusingly. I am sure if he could talk, he would say: “Please Mom, may I have more?” It takes him three cans before his appetite is satisfied.

All other kitties are doing well at the moment. Baker is still fighting, He is getting so skinny but he does his walk-abouts in the mornings still. My neighbor is amazed because he will dart out of the cat enclosure at any given moment. He then goes to all his old feline friends, says hello to each of them. If the sun is out, he will lay in the sun for a few hours and when I come out of the house to see where he might be. He follows me back to the enclosure and walks right in. That’s his normal day. She said he must be a dog in cat’s clothing. No, he’s just Baker. He is my last old-timer here.

I know the day is coming that he will not want his walk-abouts anymore and that will be the sign that he has finally given up and given in to the kidney disease. He is still on his special meds and prescription diet, but the cost is ridiculously high.The food  seems to help him, but it slams our food budget hard. Thank you for anything you can offer during these hard times that everyone is going through.

Molly’s marker:

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I’m getting ready to share with all of you (who still visit here) what has been going on behind the scenes.. This is not cat-related. I am still trying to process everything and make sense of it all. So here it goes. Before I start, I debated whether to put this out there, as there is so much controversy existing  already regarding Covid. But, I think I just want a record of all of this, and perhaps find someone who might be  dealing with these aspects of the Covid vaccine.

March 30th, I received my second Pfizer shot. Although at the time, I was relieved and happy to have both shots on board, the initial shot gave me a 24 hour, 2 week headache. That was not fun. I was told when I contacted a medical professional “schooled on vaccines” as she stated over the phone, that any attempt to bring on over-the-counter meds would be counter-productive, stopping  the process of the vaccine. So I let this dull, constant throbbing go until it left. I’ve never had a migraine, but some of my friends are migraine sufferers and this headache did not fit the bill for that. It was also not a sinus headache either. This headache was just different.

I had heard from various people and read articles that the second Pfizer shot carried some side effects. I read, or I was told it would only last a few days. Given my two week headache on the first go round, I was praying that the second shot wouldn’t even affect me. I was so wrong.

When the chills hit that night, they were quite violent. My teeth were chattering so hard, I actually fractured a back molar. (Which as of now, has been pulled). I did not have a fever, or a cough. The fatigue hit me hard. It started in my arm where I got the shot and then traveled downward into my leg. I forced myself to get up and do the things needed to keep the cats and the dog going, but I was sleeping more than normal. I kept thinking to myself: “This too shall pass.” Well, it didn’t and it hasn’t. If anything, it has accelerated. There was no headache, none, which I found curious? Just chills, night sweats and extreme fatigue. These chills on the second go round (thank God) were not violent. Not shake me out of the chair kind of chills, they went internal. They do not stop. Just call me Goosebumps Mary Anne. 🙂

I did some research because in my heart, I felt that it was connected  to the shot and not something else. I couldn’t find much, until one website, I located a survey done for people who had both vaccines on board. On the Pfizer end it stated that 2% of the people with both shots onboard had severe side effects to the vaccine. They did not expound on what those side effects were. They also revealed 5% were showing symptoms of side effects longer than just a few days!. Some going over a month.or longer.

So I caved, and went to  my doctor. The weakness in my legs was starting to alarm me. At times, when I was walking my property, it felt like my legs had no bones in them? They would first start to jiggle and then flat give out on me. Only one leg at a time, the feeling, the pain would rotate between both legs, but not make them weak together. My Daddy would tell me (if he were still here) that I had “a hitch in my get-along.”)

I think when I first walked into the clinic, they didn’t quite believe me that I had been going through this for as long as I have. They performed multiple tests on me, did a ton of bloodwork (I haven’t been to a doctor in 14 years unless it was an emergency). When my new PC heard this, he was sure it was something else. He promised to call me the minute the results came back. They also gave me my first Covid test which was negative.

What I found quite odd, before I left the clinic, I was required to answer some survey questions. I am sure those of you reading this, have done this is the past. You are given either a tablet or a piece of paper that you read and fill out. Not this time, these questions were directly asked of me by the nurse standing in the hallway looking right at me the whole time. The questions were a bit bizarre (to say the least). The two that stood out for me: I was asked if I was blind? I was asked if I was deaf? At that point, I pulled a Mike-trick. The Diabetes had robbed him slowly of his hearing over the years and he wore a hearing aid. Any time he was asked if he wore a hearing aid ( like they couldn’t see it hanging off his ear?) he would go “What? Excuse me, I can’t hear you.” The nurse laughed and apologized for the questions. She told me that they were required to ask them.

The doctor seemed pretty certain at my age (66) and the lack of care from a doctor for so many years. There HAD to be something wrong. When he called me to tell me the results this is what he said: “For a 66 year old woman who hasn’t been to the doctor in years, you are remarkably healthy!”  As he explained, there is nothing they can do for me to make this go away. They do not know enough about the vaccine to help people in my situation. The only thing that they can do is get me enrolled in a study.

I have no problem being in a study. But in this crazy world that has dropped on all of our heads of late, the study is in a town that is no longer deemed safe for others to go to. I would have to drive to Portland twice a month, and I flat refuse. I told the woman who called me if they can find a local doctor to do this study with me, I am all in. But until then, I would only fill out the surveys they need me to fill out.

I asked if this might be MS? He said he didn’t think so, I didn’t have the right symptoms for that diagnosis. I’m in  a wait-and-see mode along with 5% of the others going through what I am  experiencing..I just want a record of it all

I turned 66 years old yesterday, and I feel like I am 91 instead. I shuffle when I walk, I have constant chills. It was 74 degrees yesterday. Where was I? I had already tried sitting in the hot sun to quell the chills, that did not work. So, I was inside snuggled under two blankets (and still cold!) I feel like I have stepped into the Twilight Zone.

I have found out due to the barrage of tests that I have osteopenia (or however you spell it) I also have an extra rib. But I did not find out how to stop this process and I do not know where it will lead me next.

Kota has been sticking to my side like glue since two weeks ago when I went down suddenly in the middle of the living room. My legs just gave out. They trembled like jelly, there was a series of stabbing intense pain and down I went. He was right there comfort and support within minutes and I used his incredible strength to get off the floor.

The night sweats are getting worse. Last night, I not only had to wring out my nightgown, but I also had to wring out my sheets before I changed the bed. Coming from a deep sleep and finding yourself waking up in extreme dampness is unsettling. I wonder, where is this ride going to take me?

On the kitty front, the burn kitties are gloriously beautiful. But their behavior is challenging. I have two kittens in the house, I rarely see. Magoo when he is really scared (and anything and everything scares him) he will burrow into my bed, under the covers and hide from the predators he is so sure are after him.

Ash, her favorite place to hide is under the coffee table. i put a drape over it before they came back to us, and that is where she will spend the day.I have two kittens scared of their own shadow. I can sneeze and if they are out of hiding at the time, just a sneeze will send them scrambling for safety. God forbid, I should run the vacuum. Bring groceries into the house,  or put the laundry on the bed. convinces both of them that aliens have landed! I am hoping over time- they will grow out of these demons and become a part of the house. It makes me really miss my Molly.

I was asked yesterday by the nurse if I was sorry I got vaccinated? I told the nurse no, but that I wish the powers to be, (whoever they might be) had been more forthcoming about all of it. When you get the vaccine, you get paperwork along with it that explains some things. The vaccine is NOT approved by the FDA as claimed. It is approved for emergency use only. I found out there is a vast difference in that statement.They need more time, to explore potential side-effects to fully approve it. I wish they had taken the time, but I understand we are in an unprecedented moment in history  right now and they had to do something.

Now, I feel as if I am no longer a crazy cat lady. I am a lab rat. 🙂

Take care all of you and stay safe-

Both Scully and Rory have passed to the Bridge. The kittens had severe motility issues, unable to pee or poop even with stimulation. Scully did not even have the energy to strain. Rory after the third day, I could finally feel him try to strain, but at that point, he was so bloated and tight that what came out looked like mini petrified rabbit pellets.

Initally, I thought these babies were found in a field, but later trying to find answers to what they went through, this all took place in a cul-de-sac! The momma was killed in the initial attack. How the uterus got displaced and the individual sacs were scattered around is a mystery and no one is talking. The owners apparently are only concerned with smoking pot and drinking beer. How this all happened in their front yard with no one seeing or hearing anything? Who knows..

All I  know now, is the two are no longer in pain and suffering. They did not die alone, they died in my arms. They knew love, warmth, the taste of food and compassion. They did not even make it to their week birthday. This should have never happened, but it did. I did my best for them. I gave them Love. Thank you to those who gave their prayers, time and contributions towards what I was striving for- a full life for these wee ones. I am so sorry it was cut so short.

Poor kitties were so exhausted after feeding, they would just curl up in my hand and go to sleep.. This is the last living photo I took of Rory. The next day after this shot, God called him Home.