I had to be rushed to the Er today. My B/P was off the charts and after speaking with me at length, my doctor informs me I am stressed! No really? LOL He was appalled at what was going on with Mike and he said for me to take it easy for awhile. Not sure how that is going to work out. But those were his instructions. I felt so funny and the only way I could describe it was when someone who is playing around, throws you in a pool of water and then holds you under a bit to long? I felt heavy and numb and was having problems catching my breath.

I am now on two drugs both are supposed to take the edge off. One, I take two of when I feel an anxiety attack coming (which is what the doctor said I had earlier today) The other, I take 1/2 tab for 6 days then one tab a day afterwards.

My kitties are supposed to keep my blood pressure down! I had a long talk with them this evening.

I wanted to say thank you once again for those who contributed to the last fees of the IRS regarding CATS Inc., I am $40.00 short still, but that is so much better than being $100.00 short that I was before. I’d get mad about their new fee increase, but it would do me no good. They have be over a barrel (as my dad would say.)

McKenzie is now in a new home and the woman just loves her so much! I also put McKenna into another home temporarily. I had to get her out of the room where her kittens were born (and passed). She was going crazy looking for them and I knew if I could just get her away from their smell, she would settle down, and she has. She is a in a very large dog crate at a riding stable nearby. She will get spayed on Friday and then be released on the 15 acres in a few days time after the spay and join the other animals at this riding and rescue facility.

I just received a notice from the IRS regarding CATS Inc., Apparently on the day that I filed the last fee for the cat sanctuary they raised their rates! I now owe $100.00 more before they will process my paperwork and make me legal.

I don’t have it folks- If I did, I would gladly pay it and be done with it. If anyone can make a donation to the button on the sidebar of this blog to help me raise the monies- my cats would be grateful and honestly so would I-

The three wee ones did not make it despite all efforts to save them. I spoke with a true cat expert and she said that by what I told her it sounds like the toms blood type was not compatible with McKenna’s. Learn something new every day- I always thought cats had the same blood type.

When I removed her babies and put them in the forest- McKenna didn’t create a fuss. Most queens would be pacing and crying and looking for the babies, but she just laid there grooming herself. There is still not a peep from her- in a way she seems relieved. I think she knew they weren’t right and she has known this for longer than I did. Cats are so much smarter than me.

They are now a week old- there are three remaining kittens. They are eating now because I am taking measured breaths when I feed-

Sorry folks but under the circumstances, the blog contest will be postponed until further notice………… I just have to many fires to put out right now-

I do not know this man lying in that hospital bed right now. Yesterday, there was an episode that occurred between him and I (or is it him and me?) They keep changing the rules! At any rate, afterwards, I had a long talk with this man and I told him that he does not have the luxury of belittling people and feeling sorry for himself. I told him I wasn’t going to put up with it any longer and I left. I went home and I had a nuclear meltdown on the floor of the living room. Poor Dex he was beside himself. He didn’t know what to do with this sobbing, howling woman lying on his floor. He kept jumping over me, pawing me, running in circles and whining. He knew something major was up. Every time I lifted my face, he was there trying to catch the tears.

I haven’t even cried since all this began. I have been near tears most of the time but the floodgates never released like this before.

Mike has got us so hosed up financially- I don’t even know where to start- and for him to turn ugly not only to the nurses who are only trying to help him but to me as well was to much to take.

Today, I need to go back to the facility and apologize to the administrator. Mike set me up and he lied (which blows me away) about what happened between him and the nurse who he said kicked his leg! He manipulated me, pushed the right buttons so I would go and complain so he couldn’t do physcial therapy that day! I got this poor lady in trouble because my husband doesn’t like Physical Therapy.

None of this rambling makes any sense to anyone but myself but to put more of what happened out here wouldn’t be right. Let’s just say I had a huge wake-up call yesterday. I told Mike I am this close to walking out on him and not looking back if he doesn’t straighten up. I told him he embarrased and hurt me deeply, confused his kids and he is not a nice person right now. I told him I don’t have to put up with this and I hoped he was proud of himself! His kids had already left in disgust.

The kids called later and took me to dinner and we had a long talk about so many issues. All this time, I had thought they didn’t even really like me, just thought I was a crazy cat lady who married their dad. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I just know I need to stay away from Mike for awhile. I do not know this man right now- and I want my husband back.

McKenna’s kittens have stopped eating- they won’t even take the drops I give them with the syringe. They fight and fight and cry and it is puzzling because at their age, they generally latch on to the bottle and won’t let go until it is drained. I keep trying but am afraid that something besides McKenna drying up is at play here.

McKenna’s kitten the smallest one passed away yesterday. I wasn’t aware of the death until later when I went upstairs to check on everyone. It was so sad to see her there on the blanket away from the other.McKenna moved the others from the spot where she died.

The kittens are still under the futon- I put lawn edging under there to keep them from wandering off. McKenna is being a good mom but without a necropsy, I will have no idea why the little girl died. McKenna had a fairly large litter and now we are down to 3 all boys.

I raised heck yesterday at the rehab center when Mike told me that one of the “therapists” kept kicking his bad leg! She was with him in the gym and he said that she kept repeatedly kicking his foot and hissing at him “Don’t put weight on this foot!” Don’t put weight on this foot!” I’m like what the hell? I told the administrator if this is how they run this facility, I would take my husband out that night and find someplace else to help him! I was hissed- what the devil has happened to compassionate, caring therapists and nurses?

Last night, I had to sign an DNR order at the hospital. Should something happen, Mike doesn’t want heroic measures, he wants to exit this life gracefully. This form was the hardest one for me to sign. But I knew his wishes and so even though his daughter got upset, I filled out the form that stated his wishes.

He is now in a rehab center- not a nursing home and the place is nice. He is equipped with quite a sarcastic wit so some of the nurses don’t quite know what to do with him. For example, this morning I went and visited him early (with Dexter in tow!) and I was sitting there and the nurse comes in- “Mr Miller how are you?”

“How should I be?” Mike replied.

“Well, umm- do you know where you are?”

“I’m right here! Where are you?”

Poor nurse tries again; “Do you know who is the President of the United States?”

“Thomas Jefferson?”

I looked over and Mike and shook my head slightly which he saw-

The nurse didn’t know whether to take that seriously or what to do and then Mike said-

“Oh okay, it was just wishful thinking that Obama dude is in charge!”

LOL

All his kids are here and they wanted to stay here to save money, but two of them are allergic to cats! They weren’t here but 20 minutes when Donna’s throat started to get hoarse and Doug started to sneeze. So after they took me to the movies, they found lodging elsewhere.

I woke up this morning and my whole body was numb. My face was numb, my hands were tingling- it was the strangest feeling. I had a really bad headache and just tried to ignore everything. It took a few hours to get right again, the coffee helped. I think it is just an emotional crash. I am not sure.

I have so much to do; write thank you’s to everyone who helped me meet some of my vet debt, straighten up the house and fill the feral feeders outside, go upstairs and find a few books for Mike to read and I just sit on the couch or in my computer chair assimilating everything that has happened.

I am sharing a photo of Dexter visiting MIke this morning- he is allowed to come in and he seemed to want to go to the other folks in the hallway and give them some puppy love. I think I will start training him for a therapy dog- if I can figure out how!

It’s late but I needed a break and I can’t sleep. Today at the hospital some bonehead CNA made Mike WALK to the bathroom! I am so hissed and the surgeon ain’t to happy either. He is transferring MIke to a physical rehab facility (not a nursing home) There, Mike will learn how to walk without putting any weight on his foot or leg. When I left the hospital at 5:00 they were rushing him back to x-ray to see if he broke anything, dislodged anything. I wrote a big note on his Note Board in his room about how he can’t feel his legs- he can’t lift his foot and they BETTER not walk him anywhere Or I will walk over their face! LOL I think it got some attention-

MAN! I just want this over!

I am pretty much a loner, some writers are just that way. I prefer the solitude of my home with a cat on my lap and a good book in my hands versus going to the mall to meet the girls for coffee.

Mikes kids (all four of them) will be arriving tonight at midnight. My house hasn’t been kept in the best condition as my focus has been my husband and his health for the last few years.

A cpuple of days ago, I told a friend of mine about the kids coming in and the state of the house. I joked I would have to hire a maid before I could even find a starting point to clean!

Yesterday, two gals called me and soon they arrived with mops and pail in tow and the three of us had a house-cleaning party along with pizza of course!

I have known these ladies through either work or other avenues. I would have never asked them to tackle my house- yet they stood up, they stood out and came over. The day that they did the surgery, I didn’t come back home until 10:00 p.m. Angie called me to see how I was doing and I told her I just need a kitty and I need a hug. She came right over, with food (and cleaning supplies) and we spent the entire night visiting and cleaning- laughing and listening to Toby Keith!

Last night after they called me from the hospital to tell me Mike is passing blood and they have found a growth-Angie and Haley both came over. Once again we tackled the house, played with the dog and loved on the cats and cleaned. My house is going to be so clean- it won’t know what hit it! LOL

The kids tell me they aren’t coming to see my house, they are coming to see their dad and support me- take the pressure off and stay with Dad while I rest, or write or go for a walk, or whatever. They are all grown, wonderful people with families and careers yet they put this all on hold and made quick arrangements. He hasn’t seen his sons and daughters in over 7 years and I believe it is even longer since the whole family has been together.

Mike is waiting to be seen by a specialist to determine what this growth might be. Three doctors have already seen him and have no clue- it may be he will need a second operation or treatment only time will tell-

And now, my day is starting again and I have kittens milling at my feet demanding to be fed and I have their needs to meet-

God Bless all of you in your day- take a moment to hug someone, smile at a stranger and make the most of the day. We all exist for a reason- it would be a shame to let that existence go to waste.