If anyone is still reading this blog that is covered in cobwebs, thank you for that. Even my keyboard is dusty and covered not in cobwebs, but cat hair. The burn kitties are getting so big! They are still showing unique signs of PTSD and I am beginning to think that I might be the trigger. Aftr all, I am the culprit that kept repeatedly taking them back and forth to the vet, trying to get the vet to figure out what was wrong with them. They are scheduled for their neuters/spay on the 21st of this month and then they will all three go together to their new home. Perhaps being out of my hands, will help their anxiety to lessen. That is my hope.

Here are some of the latest photos of these beauties. I am so proud of them. They have come so far and are going to be wonderful cats growing forward:

Now I am asking for cat food for the cats here. This winter is starting out on a brutal note. We’ve already had several pipes from the irrigation well shatter and burst because of the cold. Thankfully, the build they did on the house recently has left the house pipes a lot more insulated than they were before. I have had to beef up the amount of wet food that I am feeding and we are running low now. I have 18 cans left before I will have to resort to just dry food. We are down to two 30 pound bags of Cat Chow. If you can help- we are currently feeding Meow Mix (wet) and fancy feast- anything but beef. For some reason, the only thing the cats want to do with the beef flavored is bury it! If you can help either by sending funds to Paypal to catsatrisk@comcast.net or sending food directly- we would be grateful.I am currently feeding 24 cans a day to all the cats. Twelve in the morning, and twelve in the evening. I have completely cut off the afternoon feedings. I just can’t afford it.

If you did not receive an email from us yet about your donations this year, please let me know. Things have been a bit chaotic recently but I have sent out all the receipts and thank you letters. I am grateful for the support more than you know. This will be the first time in eight years that we were not able to settle all our vet debt by the end of the year. But right now, the priority is food for the kitties. It’s essentially how they stay warm in the frigid nights that have invaded us.

I have flunked Kitty Proofing 101. I very carefully kitty proofed the patio room so the kittens wouldn’t just be stuck in the bedroom and yet this morning, I go into the room and missing are Magoo and Ash. They were nowhere to be found. I knew they weren’t in the bedroom. The places they could escape to, had been well-sealed up. So they had to be in the patio but where?

Popping a couple of cans of cat food, I listened in the silence, but it was early morning and people were going about their day on the highway. I had to wait until the traffic lessened up (so much for everyone staying home) before I heard the tinniest of meows.

I followed the sounds and discovered both kittens had somehow found their way past the blocking of the washer and dryer. I am still trying to figure out how they got back there? But, there they were, stuck behind the washing machine.

The machine is heavy, moving it, I had to be careful. Both the kittens were perched on top of the two hoses coming out of the back of the machine. I didn’t want one falling and getting squished by the machine.

Finally I freed them. So that I could fix the mistake and re-kitty-proof that area, I put them in the bedroom and shut the door. I think what happened is they must have fallen off the top of the machine trying to go through the smallest of holes by the hoses and gotten stuck clinging to the hose.

Hopefully, I have fixed the problem and there won’t be a repeat performance but hey, they are kittens! I have appointments for them to get spayed the first one i could get was Jan 20th not soon enough, but at least I got them in.

Two years ago today, God called Michael for his final curtain call. “Exit Stage Left.” In true dramatic style, Michael took his last breath of life at the stroke of midnight. That was the day, the music died for me.

I miss you, Sweet Man. My Alaska Sourdough. I am so glad that we connected initially through letters,  where we became good friends. Phone calls would soon follow and as the Internet wasn’t available back then, we would resort to cassettes passed back and forth from California to Alaska. We went from good friends, to Best  Friends with God staying in the center all the while.

I will never forget landing in the Anchorage Airport for our first in-person meeting. No one was there to meet me as I deplaned. “Maybe,” I said to myself, “because this is Alaska, they do it differently here. Perhaps you have to go to baggage claim first?” So I went downstairs to baggage claim. The only thing there was my luggage.

Going back upstairs to the Gate, still no one to meet me left me feeling a bit confused. I had a 24 hour turn-around on my ticket (just in case something happened). I sat at the gate for about 20 minutes and then decided to just give it up and go back home. The joke was apparently on me.

Going down the airport corridor, I saw to the right of me, a line of airport phones. I stopped, picked up the receiver with the full intention of calling you and giving you an earful before I returned to my life. Just as I lifted the receiver to my ear, I heard this loud wolf whistle behind me. I turned, to see you and Dennis hustling as fast as you could towards me. I could barely make out your face behind the bouquet of red and white roses you had clutched to your chest.

You told me that they had given you the wrong instructions of where my plane was landing. You were upstairs at the last terminal, and I came in downstairs at the first terminal. Anchorage is a big airport and by the time you had arrived at the gate, I was already gone.

We hugged each other, Dennis grabbed my luggage and we were off on our first date (after saying goodbye to Dennis). We jumped into the motorhome with your bayrunner being towed behind. Our first stop, Hidden Lake for three days of camping, boating, fishing and hiking. Why didn’t the sun ever go down that day?

Sitting with you in the  middle of the lake in your boat, I listened patiently to your 45 minute lecture on how to bait, cast and catch fish. You told me that the Miller family had a long traditional bet when fishing. It was $1.00 for the first fish and $1.00 for the biggest fish. I took the bet.

You handed over your treasured and “seasoned” pole after first showing me how to cast. Did you not think that a girl from Southern California did not know how to fish?

First cast out, I caught a 16″ Rainbow! The look on your face was priceless! Wish I would have captured it on film. By the end of that Endless Day you had reeled in the biggest fish, so the bet was a draw.

That began the time where we fell further in love with not only each other, but also with Hidden Lake. Snuggling on the couch together, learning about each other and listening to the Loons haunted cries on the lake, we knew we would be returning to this place in the future.

It was a week to remember as you shared with me all your secret spots of Alaska that you loved. I met your three boys- Doug, Dave and Dennis and we both agreed that I should come back in the wintertime to see how I would cope living in complete darkness.

Little did I know at that time, what loomed ahead of us, that would test our relationship and later our marriage. A very deadly, silent killer disease:  Diabetes.

When Diabetes first hit, we were not prepared for the fight that would ultimately claim your life. You soon tired of the restricted diets you were placed on. i would catch you cheating when I cleaned out the truck and found multiple empty candy wrappers under your seat. I think the problem with Diabetes for you became the hardest part for you to accept. You did not feel or look sick back then. You were resistant to anything the doctors wanted you to do to get better. You wanted to live life on your terms, but the disease got the better of you. You hated the finger sticks, the shots in the belly three times a day. It took over our lives- and ultimately cost you, yours. They don’t call it “The Silent Killer” for nothing.

In 2019, honoring your last request, I asked the kids to spread your ashes on Hidden Lake. It was one of the last things you asked me for before you became caught up in two worlds- the world of the living and the world of the dead.

The kids almost didn’t make this happen because of a forest fire raging nearby. But Annette, determined as ever, tracked down a fire marshal and explained the situation. Your kids were then able to go into the lake, launch the boat and quickly disperse your ashes before they had to leave.

Michael, Y.S.P.C.B. misses you. I love you so much and I hope you can hear me when I talk to you at night. I miss your goofiness, your April Fool pranks, your corny jokes. I miss how you opened up car doors for me, and helped me on with my coat. You used to trap one of my arms in the sleeve of my coat as I was putting it on. It took me awhile to not fall for that trap. I miss your kindness and our conversations. I miss our daily prayers. We had a good life together. I will always be grateful to you for sharing your world and your family with me. I can’t wait to see you again.

It is not only coming from the weather, but it is also coming from a death threat I received. Did I actually write that and put it out there finally? Yes I did. I figure if this demented human being does go through with the plan and I suddenly go dark on this blog, I want people who have followed me for years to know that I did not abandon them willingly.

Sleep is hard to come by, the police have been notified and I have taken as many precautions as I am able to. I also alerted my neighbors because they could also be under this threat.

Did I fall off my couch and bonk my head so hard I saw stars and insanity? No, I did not. I did my civic duty and I voted and someone did not like who I voted for. They have reached out from my past to terrorize me. For about two days, they succeeded and then I just got angry. I got proactive and so I am putting it out there for those of you who have followed me either silently, or publicly for so long to let you know what is happening.

What makes this worse, is in 8 days, I approach a painful anniversary of the death of Mike. They know this, but it didn’t matter. We’ve been friends for years (no more though) but that apparently didn’t matter either. The police were going  to reach out to this individual and find out if they got hacked? Did they want to punk me? or did they mean what they sent? I was told if she cops to it, they will tell her that what is being planned is not only dangerous, but it is criminal. The officer said that if they had to on the day in question, they will park in my driveway and fill out paperwork. I feel like I have fallen down a rabbit hole into an alternate universe right at the moment. The world has gone freakin crazy in so many directions.

On the home front, we are still working with the kittens. Health-wise they are are doing great! They are fat, furry, playful with each other. It is just on the mental side that they suffer. Magoo’s ears are still being suckled, He is turn is suckling anything soft he can find. Ash is still terrified of my hands. The backscratcher/clicker method is working slowly on him. My hands look like shredded wheat at the moment, but he is learning albeit slowly, that the hands here at the house are good. We won’t talk about his reaction to the vet’s hands though!  That still needs work.

Their new mom has been by but the only one who even approached her, was Sundance. I can’t let him go right now either, he is peeing out of the litterbox. His preferences are: my pillow, my bed, my fresh laundry. I put a big rubber sheet (thank  you Mike) on the bed, so the pee and the stains don’t go through to the mattress. It may be that they will never leave here, but we are focused on just the opposite happening. It will just take time. They still will not sleep in a dark room without freaking out, so we burn a lot of night lights in the evening hours.

I will be sending out emails this week to all of you who have followed our work and sent donations in. I wish I could hug all of you and tell you how much it means to us, when we even get a dollar. Having to buy our cat food now, and factor in the vet payments is a struggle, but we will persevere. As one of my volunteers told me yesterday, we are the feral warriors! LOL

I wish all of you true Peace and Happiness this coming Season. I think at this point, Peace on Earth, although is sounds so wonderous is a bit of stretch. But God is known for His miracles and His love. If you are still following me and reading my sporadic entries, would you please pray for me? I am barely sleeping these days and my hair is so white at the moment based on everything going on. I love you all and I put this blog together years ago to help people deal with stray and feral cats. I tried not to stray from that goal, but life can and does get complicated. I hope I helped in some small way.

God Bless ALL of you- stay safe and stay sane!

This visit was only for their second set of shots and a re-check. They were also tested and all came out negative. They are doing so much better health-wise but what we are facing with them now is (sorry for using an over-used term) but it is unprecedented. Whatever horror they lived through during the fires have left all of them with PTSD. But with Ashes and Magoo, it goes further than that. Because of the time they spent away from the rescue and were at the vet (a total of 15 days non consecutive) they came back with yet another form of PTSD.. These kittens are now deathly afraid of hands.

We’ve had to think out of the box and try to figure out how to show them without scaring them, that hands are good. For Magoo, it is a bit more difficult. He was put on antibiotics which unfortunately led to him getting Herpes and he is still on meds for that. His last treatment will be Monday and we can’t wait. His behavior has become so bad that the minute one of us walks into the room, he hides from us. Thankfully, I had set the bedroom up with him not being able to make a complete escape. The bedframe was even removed so they couldn’t duck under the bed. He will hide in the folds of the comforter, hugging the sides of the mattress hoping we don’t find him. But we do.

Ashes is so traumatized by her experiences, she is now suckling Magoo’s lower ears to the point that we have to apply YUCK to Magoo’s ears to make them less tempting to suckle on. That stuff is so nasty. I got some on my fingers and when I test tasted it- well it really is YUCK, It seems to be working though.

So although there is a a family waiting in the wings to take all of these three, they are not ready to go anywhere. Their new mom has been here one time and it did not go well. Not one of the kittens would go over to meet her or her grown-up son.

We will keep working on this problem and hopefully show these beautiful babies that the world is still good and hands do not always hurt them. Wish us luck!

Last I blogged it was October 4th, now it is the 9th and the kittens are both still at the vet’s. They don’t quite know what is wrong with them, just that there is something wrong. It was not a prolapsed rectum as originally felt. They ended up sedating Ashes and doing a thorough exam. All they could determine is that she has a very infected bum. They have been using a steroid ointment combined with an antibiotic cream on her rump but she is still having diarrhea. Eugene is also having bum issues. They have discussed anal fissures, anal polyps and finally just decided to keep them under observation for about another week to see if anything clears up. It is very frustrating.

There was an incident that occurred between me and one of the vet’s there that prompted me to ask that the kittens care be turned over to another vet immediately.  Once the smoke cleared, it was relayed to me that it was just a big misunderstanding, but I am still not keen on this vet working with me in the future and they are respecting my wishes.

I miss my kitties and I hope they can solve this soon. I am going to hate to see my next vet bill- it was already hefty, I can’t imagine what all this one-on-one care is going to cost us.

On a personal note, I went to doctor today over my leg and knee injury (from when Kota crashed into me) The brace is not working and it looks quite likely that surgery on my knee and my foot is in my future. 🙁 Here in our hometown for the first time since March) our Covid cases are skyrocketing. 31 cases day before yesterday and 19 cases yesterday. Is this because people are getting lax and having pandemic anger or pandemic depression? No one is sure. Most of the local schools are doing distance learning except for two.

I am not keen to have surgery in the middle of a Covid Pandemic and am grateful the doctor will wait until things calm down. Plus, I need to make arrangements for Kota (who I think my vet’s family will watch him for me) and my cats and kittens. Lots on my heart right now. Mostly it is about these kittens and the mounting vet bills. 🙁

Although the vets insisted that all would be well if the kittens stayed on special food and prebiotics, Ash continued to get worse. I threw up my frustration on FB on Saturday and then called the vet and told them that I really needed to see a vet about Ashes. They told me they were booked solid and to just “drop her off.” I firmly believe that they never fully read the drop off form and I was afraid that we would get nowhere. But I agreed.

When I got there, I was waiting a long time for them to just come out and pick up the carrier and let me drive off. I am thinking to myself, what the hell? Then the tech came out and said the Dr. had made a spot for me and did I want to come in and talk to her first? Of course I did.

I told her that if she could look at Ashes’ bum and tell me that it looks “normal’ I would walk out the door and not bother her again. I also told her I am not in the habit of wasting vet’s time and something was horribly wrong with Ashes’ bum. I told her that when I am allowed by Ash to touch her bum lightly (without her screaming in pain) it felt hard and not normal.

She picks up the kitty and looks at the bum and said: “oh my, look at all this inflammation!” She took her in the back to clip her rear and I looked up at God and asked Him to please let her respond to them, as she does to me. If you touch her bum, she hisses, spits, growls and screams at the same time and tries to bite me.

All of a sudden the show started and as I listened to this precious girl screaming in pain and my heart was breaking for her, I was also saying to myself: “Do you believe me NOW?”

The vet comes back and tells me she has a prolapsed rectum which is what I’d been saying all along. But because she is such a fluffball her hair was hiding it. Ash will have surgery on Monday, so they can keep a better eye on her, and they will push the rectum back in place, do a purse stitch, keep her an additional day then send her home.

As i left, a vet tech said “Mary Anne, thank you for being so attentive.” I just looked at her and said- “I have to be.”

I am their voice. Sometimes if I just accept the professional’s word that all will be well soon- it doesn’t get better, it gets worse. If I don’t speak up, they don’t get help. I am just so glad she will be out of pain now and has a chance for a new, and wonderful life from here on out.

First of all, I failed the gender test (yet again) Ashton turns out to be a female, so her new name is Ashes. Holiday is now called Eugene. I had to change his name due to vet records. I had a Holiday years ago, so had to come up with a new name.

Both kittens have been hospitalized for several days. It was frustrating to take them back there because in so many aspects- playing, eating, drinking, affectionate, they were doing great. Where the concern for them on my part was the lack of motility. They were both eating like they had holes in their stomachs, but nothing was being produced. Ashes would leave spots of stool in the litter pans about the size of a dime. I would watch her try so hard to poop normally but it never happened.

Eugene on the other hand was passing large amounts of blood in his stool. It was dark red blood not bright red, so it was indicative of the blood being in his system for longer. They both were dewormed on their second day here, so worms were not an issue. I haven’t even seen any worms passing in their stool. They still both were passing flecks of ashes and dirt. So although our vet debt is now cringeworthy, I had to take them in.

I am waiting to hear on the results of the fecals they finally were able to collect yesterday. Apparently, neither kitten was passing enough to even qualify for a fecal sample. I know that Ashes is stressed out because the first phone call I received after I dropped them off was a question- Did I know that she had explosive diarrhea? I did not know this. She was not having that issue here. I suggested it had to be due to stress.

I spent the majority of the night getting up and down to check on the kittens. They are starting to feel so much better and although they are in a large dog cage, it is clear to me that they want a bigger world.

So this morning, I  kitten-proofed my bedroom and left the cage door opened so they can explore if they want to. They have several hidey-holes to crawl into and nothing they can get underneath unless they decide to slip down  between the mattress on the bed and the wall. Past kitties have done that and it is a pain to pull the bed apart (It’s a California King) to find them.  I hope I have stacked enough boxes to discourage that action from occurring.

Here are the little darlins after their vet visit. The gravel and rocks are moving through them and although the poo is still black as soot and smelly, the vet feels that the food they are are now will go a long way in helping that move through as well. They had their first vaccinations and we dewormed both of them.

Walmart has pulled the donation rug out from under us as of last Friday. They told me we needed to go to a website called Good360 and sign up with them and get out donations from them.

After jumping through all the hoops and faxing all the paperwork required to get authorized. we were approved. They are crediting us $500.00 per month to purchase cat food from their catalog. The only problem is, they don’t have cat food unless it comes in pallets. In order to have a pallet even delivered to my friend’s shop- I have to come up with over $1,000 that they call an administration fee. I’ve looked at this website until I can’t stand it anymore and I don’t see anyway that they can help us. The one Walmart that is signed on with them in over 50 miles from my house and directly in the way of the Holiday Farm Fire which is still burning.

So I am just putting a plea out there- My cats are eating Purina Natural Dry and Fancy Feast wet. If you can see your way clear to help us out- I would so appreciate it. Also right now with the kittens who eat more than their fair share of wet food- I am feeding them Fancy Feast Kitten canned and Kitten Chow.

I’ll try to figure out my wish list again. But I keep failing at it miserably. I’ll give it my best shot. Thank you for any  help you can offer, and please if you can’t help- I totally understand. But I had to ask because our situation when it comes to cat food is suddenly a bit tenuous.