How do I go about breaking hundreds of hearts including mine? How do I tell all the people who took Ms Shell into their own souls that all the purrs, all the prayers, all the vibes and the vets who struggled over her care couldn’t save her? How do I explain that this wasn’t going to happen, that Shell was basically to sick to live?

Her blood values stayed high, there was no change for the better in any of her blood work. For the past few days, Shell had been sending me messages that I tried so hard to ignore. Not pooping in the pan, hiding under the bed or tucked back into the clothes. Cats don’t hide for no reason.

So the vet and I talked quite extensively. He has always been caring and a straight shooter when it comes to this situation. This is what he said;
“Mary Anne, if she were your one and only, I would fight like the dickens to keep her alive. I would subject her to more stressful treatments and vet visits knowing all the while that as I was fighting, I was not fighting for her but for you.”

And I knew this, deep in my heart, I knew this was going to be the last time I would see Shell. Because even as I denied it visually, my heart wouldn’t let me deny her the dignity she richly deserved in the end, to be let go while arms that loved her held her, and skilled fingers quickly found the right vein to deliver peace.

Goodbye Sweet Shell, thank you for gracing our lives with your presence. I wish I had met you sooner, before the ravages of the disease conquered your mouth and your ability to live with some quality. I got to you to late, but at least you knew before that last breath, that your life DID matter. You knew warm caresses and embraces. You found food to be plentiful and the Zoom Groom became your best buddy. I’m sorry that all we did wasn’t enough. But you pulled together a world of people who never met you and you created a chain of caring that I have never been privy to before.

That is quite a legacy Shell, for a dilute tortie whose skin used to bleed at the slightest pressure and whose legs resembled chopsticks but whose heart and courage, no one could ever measure.

I will miss you Shell, I will miss you Forever~

For all of you who loved her and prayed for her I say thank you.

And in her honor, in her memory, reach out and help the next stray cat you see on the street who looks as if the world might hate her too. Maybe, just maybe, your help and intervention with that neglected cat will come in time, in enough time to matter~

Goodbye Sweet Shell

I took Shell in this morning to have her blood drawn and then will return later this afternoon with her for her other appointment. The vet did manage to look in her mouth (he was in surgery when we got there) The message relayed back to me is it is still a bit of a mess. The larger rodent ulcer that had adhered to her tongue (the ulcer that was lanced and drained) looks much better and he will probably end up lancing some more tonight. Poor kitty- she is so strong in spirit and the girls said she did really good when they took her blood. Hopefully the results will be back by the time the second visit rolls around.

I have her in the cage right now because I don’t want to have to chase her in a few hours when she has to go back. I imagine for her now, the carrier holds the same fear as when I know I have to go to the dentist. I know, there is pain and great cost ahead, but in the end, there is the pain leaving and things rightening themselves once again. For her, I hope her pain ends soon.

I’ve been asked to tackle a new project this weekend. A young man, in his prime really, deployed to Afghanistan had come home to spend a short time with his family. A few days ago, on a dark street, he crashed his motorcycle and died. I have been asked to write a piece to memorialize his life. These types of jobs are difficult. Grief is hard to bear, no matter if it means a human or an animal has left. Even those grounded in faith and knowing there are better things ahead, doesn’t minimize the sadness that comes when one so young meets his end. Ironic really- being overseas and being safe in chaos then coming home to relative safety and losing your life.

Late last night, the dam broke and Shell filled up the litter pan with solid, normal looking poop. I got her off the baby food and back on kitten food as she needs the nutrients according to the FS. Plus I gave her a large teaspoon of plain yogurt with active cultures and let the probiotics do their work. This morning she is active and prowling the room and head-bumping me like crazy. It’s nice to see her back.

I just received the neatest outdoor feral cat house from felinefurniture. It is made pretty simply is completely waterproof and snug against the weather and I have IMMEDIATE response to it with Trump going inside of it right away. It’s completely round, with two entrance/exit holes and carpeted flaps that cover the holes or not. The entire bed is enclosed in hard plastic. I will have to take a photo of it and post it so you can see what I am talking about. But the cats love it and it stays warm and tight against bad weather.

With my boss out of town, I am pulling long hours at work. When I get home at night, the first thing I do is check on Shell. Tonight, when she was eating, the drool was back. It doesn’t look like the original nasty infected drool, but just loops of saliva that gets mixed up with her eating. I try to catch it with a pad of gauze but this just seems to annoy her. Peggy’s blanket is getting baptized now on a regular basis.

She stopped eating the A/D and now just wants babyfood (turkey seems to be her favorite) She goes to the vet in a few days for a work-up and evaluation- so really until the 1st there isn’t much to add.

She seems to be having tummy issues, when I pet or gently rub her tummy she acts agitated. I don’t see any stool in the litter pans though she is peeing in the pans. But last time when I thought she wasn’t passing stool, I found a pile in the corner of the far side of the room, so tomorrow before I go to work, I get to go poop searching- doesn’t that sound like fun? 🙂

I know the road is going to be long before Shell will be restored to what she could be, but I do wish there were shortcuts sometimes. She doesn’t do mornings well at all. Yesterday, she was again hiding under the bed and I picked her up to find her all tight in my arms. Then she crawled up my chest and wrapped her paws around my neck. I carried her over to her bed and laid her down. She didn’t respond until I started her daily massage and then she started reaching into the touching and responding. She took her meds and then ate and while she ate, I moved a thick carpet and put it underneath the bed. Our bedroom is tiled and I don’t want her to get cold should she hide again.

When I returned home from work last night, she had thrown up everywhere poor girl. I don’t think Peggy planned on have her blanket washed as many times as I have washed Shell’s but it is holding up well. Shell was crying and I didn’t want to feed her, but she kept crying (which she doesn’t do much of) I gave her a dab of baby food on my finger and she licked it straight away- so I fed her about a tablespoon of the baby food. She ate it and kept it down.

What a long journey she has ahead of her and I just want to do right by her. She deserves at least that much. She goes in a few days to have more blood work and to be seen by the vet. I hope he sees improvement with her, I am with her all the time and I think I miss the gains we might be making.

Trying to keep Shell on a routine schedule so she doesn’t get stressed out proved difficult today. Mike’s shop was desperately in need of reorganizing and spring cleaning. This put me behind for her bonding sessions with me and she let me know she was annoyed to be left waiting! Although she leaned into every soft groom I gave her, her tail was switching the entire time. She showed how much that time we have together means to her. I apologized, but she just went back up to her cage to sleep.

I had to wash her blanket this morning- her tongue shoveled most of the food off the plate and onto Peggy’s wonderful blanket. Thank heaven they are machine washable. There are two more in the recent auction- if you have kitties, you need these blankets they offer so much comfort.

Today, Miss Shell weighed in at seven pounds! Good going girl! Her mouth? Well, it still looks like a train wreck, but one that the crew has been working on to clear the debris off the track.

We have our routine down now. She likes to eat off of glass saucers for some reason. Maybe it feels better on her tongue. Speaking of her tongue, she seems to be able to get it under control now. It acts less like a snow shovel, shoveling food away from her and more like a real tongue. The dark red rim I saw that was crusted around her tongue when she first got here, is now gone. It looks pink and healthy and happy.

She loves her Zoom Groom. An amazing tool really. It allows me to keep her brushed and deliver a gentle massage at the same time.

Her nose, it should run for office because it drips constantly. But the vets say her lungs are clear and hopefully over time, her sinuses will be too. Maybe she is part Persian? 🙂

I appreciate all the comments you folks leave along the way here- thanks for praying for this amazing kitty and for helping me with your supportive replies along the way.

“If truth be told, and however impossible the idea, I would like to have known, every cat that lived.”

For myself, I am grateful to be knowing Shell even on her bad days.

She’s had a few of those lately and between her and Hope (the white senior kitty who also lived within that colony) they both have kept me on the seat of concern.

For Hope, her ears, once only blackened with pre-cancerous growth have now started showing signs of lesions and oozing. I’ve seen this before and it puts dread into my heart.

Shell has had some bad days recently. I was talking to a fellow rescuer yesterday and telling her about the roller coaster of symptoms that come and go. She said to me- “MA, if this rescue were easy to do, more people would attempt it.”

She’s right, you take the good along with the bad, mix in hope, prayers, TLC and use the guidance given to you by the professionals in the field who also want to help. It’s all you can do. But it’s on the really bad mornings where the drool has appeared, the poop is again on the floor and the kitty is distant from you that you just find yourself wishing for that magic cure which would undo all the harm caused by ignorance and/or neglect. A wish for no more stressful vet visits, no more poking prodding, testing, exploring to find answers when sometimes all you are left with is more questions.

But on the good days when she wants to be touched, can’t get enough lovin, headbumps so hard they would knock you over then you know it is all worth it. One day gained in her life is a triumph. Two is a blessing and Three would be wonderful. And so it goes, the roller coaster of rescue when you hope and pray you have done enough that day to reinforce to her that her presence in this world really does matter. That she is a special as that spot of sun on the bed she seeks out to sleep in. You just hope that God gives you one more day with her, with Hope and with Gadget all from the same colony and all of them suffering from the result of being with someone who didn’t have the capacity or the energy to care about them.

Gadget is another treat- a short haired tortie girl who just wants and needs your lap, your love, your affection. Her uneven gimp from a collision with a car months ago (according to the vet’s best guesstimate) just adds to her charm. When I walk up the stairs, her head peeks out of the canning cupboard and she can’t wait for me to get upstairs and pet her and love on her. All these beautiful cats who somehow landed here teach me every day to be grateful for small things. They also impress upon me how important it is to show people around you that you love them and care about them regardless if you might be deep in a blue funk. Because, life is short and life needs to be treasured every moment.

So although I know, I will never have the pleasure to have known every cat that has existed. I am grateful to at least have met these three courageous felines.

She loves her head rubs!

Thanks Mom!

Her list of favorite things just got a tad longer. The handmade blanket made by Peggy is now her favorite possession. She loves it and I really have to agree. It is warm for her and yet thin enough that even the heating pad on low will get through the layers. I’d encourage anyone reading this who has cats to buy one of these wonderful comfort zones for kitties. Peggy’s Blankets
Click the link below to see Shell in her favorite spot-and thanks again to the cat lovers who sent her this last week.

Shells Comfort Zone

Look how far she has come in just 27 days-

Shell’s First Day