He is still not eating and being force-fed, but he is brighter than he was a few days ago. They are still giving fluids, he is on his meds and they want to keep him through the weekend or until he is at least eating on his own. Since he will have to have meds from here on in- I moved Sparkle in with Stryker. No wars they are just quietly avoiding each other. Stryker is still only eating Temptations- so that is what I am giving him and at night he snugs up to me so tight under the covers, I can barely breathe.

Went to see Bentley this morning and talk with the vet. The bloodwork is back and renal failure has been ruled out. Although his wbc is normal, they note there are toxins in his blood attacking his white cells as well as his red. His bilirubin indicates he is jaundiced but has not yet turned into a “yellow kitty.” The vet believes he has a whopping case of pancreatitis because of something he ate and what he ate was poisoned. 🙁 They have him on fluids, antibiotic and anti-emetic and a pain killer. He’s no longer flat, he is fighting back and the vet believes he might even come home in a few days!

I went back to see him and he was all over me. I pulled him out and we snuggled and he dug his head deep into the crook of my arm a semblance of the Bentley I have grown to love. I didn’t want to put him back in the cage, but knew that he was in good hands. I promised him I didn’t abandon him and I would be back. I cried all the way home. I was so afraid we were going to lose this precious boy. Thank you ALL for praying for him!

Stryker is eating- not a lot, but he is eating. I tried calling a relative to find out more about what happened and why he had so many bite wounds but it was like pulling teeth. No one wanted to bother to fill in the gaps. So I will just keep going in and comforting him and letting him know that his former owner had no choice but to give him up. I told him this morning, I knew that Joann wanted him to be happy. After I said that- he ate about a handful of kibble. Some people say cats are dumb and they don’t understand us, but I disagree. he is grieving and right now- we are both a comfort to one another because both of us know what loss feels like.

Rushed Bentley to the vet this morning first thing after finding him in a really bad way. Temp 99 although his eyes were bright, alert, he was crying so pitifully. By the time we got there the temp was 98 and dropping!  I have such a bad feeling about this and am just poised waiting for the phone to ring to see what the vet says might be wrong with him. He was lying in pools of vomit in a volume I haven’t seen since distemper hit here 9 years ago. I know this is not distemper, but God I don’t know what it could be.

2:20 update: Vet just called and has no answers just questions. Said that Bent’s breath is fetid which could indicate pancreatitis. Blood work on rush back tomorrow. They are giving him fluids but it doesn’t help he stays dehydrated and they have given him something for nausea and pain. They are keeping him for now- he also said this might be a failing liver because his urine was the color of dark orange juice. 🙁 the vet said that Bent is just “flat” all I can do is pray and hope he stays strong and beats this- whatever this is.

I put in my friend Diane’s CD in my player  for Stryker. Diane makes therapy CD’s for animals and sells them at www.harpofhope.com.  I am thrilled to say that Stryker has eaten (not a lot) but he has eaten about a handful of dry food and several temptation treats!!! Thank you Diane for sharing your talent, your love of animals and your music with the world.

This morning, when I went to feed, usually Bentley will run up to me and scoot up my legs (ouch) and jump on my chest. he will then ride on my shoulders getting in the way of feeding and jumping off every time I bend over to get food into bowls before returning. This morning, I couldn’t find him.

He’s my bud- one of a  litter of kittens born with distemper. He was the only survivor. We went through a lot together, and what is usually the case in distemper survivors he has behavior issues that will last his lifetime and  he will not ever be adopted because of those issues. It also prevents him from being an inside kitty.I haven’t seen him in about a week and with everything going on- I just figured he was out mousing and will be home soon.

Well I found him a bit ago, and he has lost an enormous amount of weight- he is vomiting foam and crying almost continually, I have him inside in one of my big custom-built cages and I can tell he is miserable. First appointment I can get is 3:20 tomorrow. In my gut, I knew something was wrong with him the minute I saw him this morning. Normally he would run across the grasses and leap into my arm. Not today- 🙁 in the photo below, he is the mack tabby. he has a bob-tail

I think Stryker is highly constipated. I just finished force-feeding him canned organic pumpkin mixed with turkey baby food- YUMMY! He didn’t think so- most of it went on the bed instead of in his mouth- but I think I got enough in to matter. I just want one day to pass where I don’t have to add stress into his life.

This is Stryker2. He reminds me a lot of a beautiful cat we had years ago except the original Stryker was a manx. This boy is so darn sweet but he isn’t eating yet. I am praying he will eat by tonight- if not 3 days have passed before he ate anything- he is the one who lost his human to a heart attack recently and I know he is mourning the loss-

We just got back from the vet. He has 7 bite wounds on his tail and the rear of his back. They gave him an appetite stimulant, an antibiotic shot, a pain shot and an anti-inflammatory. He also has asthma. he will be the second asthmatic cat we have rescued in under two weeks. He stayed sweet, but scared. I also got him a pheromone collar to help ease his stress. As  of now, he is hiding behind his cage and has still not eaten.

Thank you to the anonymous caller who paid off our vet bill! That made my day-

Just please pray that he eats soon- otherwise, I will be forced to use other measures I would prefer not to use.  He doesn’t need anymore stress in his life,  nor do I. 🙂

First of all, thank you to all of you who contacted me privately and publicly to express your sympathies and the loss of my Mother. It’s been a whirlwind of the few days for me after her passing. We had a fractious relationship from the get-go.

She almost died when I was born and I almost followed her as well into the Great Beyond (or so I have been told) For months she “worshipped me” dressing me only in white, rarely leaving my side and calling me “her little angel.”  I was born with white hair. I lost that in 2nd grade. The stories I have been told is one day, she just snapped and stopped paying attention to me and I suddenly became her worst nightmare. . She would make me a part of her rage and I was beaten, punished you name it. I have no idea what happened. Most of my childhood is a big blank even after countless counseling sessions.

In this day and age, I guess you might have diagnosed her with a mental disease, but back then, it didn’t happen. Everyone loved her (including me) but I was scared to death of her. I suppose one of us would have ended up in jail during one of those sessions- but back then domestic abuse wasn’t even a thought. Whatever happened behind closed doors at the “Love” house, stayed behind closed doors. I told my older sister last night that I found it highly ironic we carried that last name. There was little Love to be found there, at least for me. My Dad would beat me as well- One of Mother’s best friends told me once that when she was visiting she witnessed a beating by my dad. She asked him later why he beat me so hard, and his reply was “Because Mother told him to.”

Gwen (my oldest) told me last night that she remembers coming home from high school to find Mother beating me with a flyswatter. She said Mother was out of control and Gwen rushed in shrieking for Mother to stop. Beyond that, Gwen can’t remember what happened. Gwen got lucky, she got out early, She left for college on an athletic scholarship, afterwards she joined the Peace Corps, taught in Europe on a sailboat and left home never to return again. She lives a wonderful life now, has a beautiful, amazing daughter and she did not turn out to be the mother she grew up under.

We’ve emailed for the last few days and she has filled in the missing pieces for me as best she could. She said she always felt sorry for me because I got the brunt of everything. Said she felt helpless and powerless to stop it. My other sister was adored and never got touched. It was always me.

Perhaps that is why I gravitate to the abused and tormented cats around this area. Time and time again, people will tell me. “I don’t know how you do it, I couldn’t”. I do it, because it has to be done and I know that living as I did when I was a kid, I have that strength to take that broken soul and try to put it together again.

What I didn’t share earlier about my last conversation with my Mother is that I told her that I forgave her for all of it. For the beatings, for the harshness of my childhood, for the tears and the pain. I told her “I forgive you, I know Dad  is waiting for that final skate and I know it will be joyous.” My one thought at the time was please don’t go without telling me why you hated me so much. But that opportunity was gone. She had lost the ability to talk the day before. All I heard was her harsh irregular breathing and my heart wept that she was so in pain..

She had been hanging on for so long, existing on drops of water only. I started to wonder what she was waiting for – we had all done our final visits by ourselves not together- even my niece who is teaching in Korea came in. Why was she still here?

Then I got to remembering that when I had that last disastrous visit with her, in her lucid moments she would say things about how “good of a mother” she was to all of us. I would swallow the response I wanted to make and just agree- “Yes Mother, you did your best.” So I called her- (it has taken me years to find forgiveness) I  could only do it through God. If I lived selfishly or foolishly, I would have taken that anger to my grave.

I wrote her a letter the other day, and when this storm clears, I will take a bunch of helium balloons (it’s a long letter!) LOL and I will release it to the skies. Then, I know, I will truly be free. My tormenter she is gone never to cause pain to me again and I can finally find my center and get on with my life.

I just got notified,  my Mother passed away 15 minutes ago. Last night, I called her and one of the nurses held the phone to her ear. I told her that I loved her and have loved her my entire life. I told her I forgive her and that Dad was waiting in the distance for that final skate. (Mother would be 94 next month). I wished her well in her new journey and said goodbye. The nurse called me back and said that based on what she saw in mother’s eyes, Mother recognized it was me. This morning, she let go and found her peace. My sister arrived 5 minutes before her passing so she did not die alone. No one should have to do that-

Here we are earlier this year before she really started going downhill and had to go to a memory center and assisted care. 🙁

Last night, quite late, I receive a distress call from a concerned neighbor. Her neighbor of 50 years and her best friend had recently had a heart attack and died. (And I do mean recent.) Her relatives had converged on the house (in a pricey neighborhood of Springfield) and were grabbing everything of “value.” The woman was crying and I was confused? Why was she calling me?

Turns out her neighbor has had this cat since he was 2 weeks old. His name is Clayton. She was at the house getting her coat where she left it and she heard them discussing how they had called “everyone| ” shelters, etc and no one wanted the cat. The son had said he would go up into the mountains and drop this cat off! The woman who called has adopted from us in the past and she was seeing if I could help.

We have no room right now for another paw, let alone a full cat! But I told her I would help. (“God I know you taught me the word NO!”)

I left immediately and when I got there- I saw dozens of rigs as antiques and valuables were being carted off. The cat? He was sitting in a carrier on the porch guarded by Elsa (the woman who called me) I swear she had a shot-gun face! “You mess with this cat, I messa your face!” LOL. I walked over and took the carrier and Elsa hugged me. I looked at the scene of greed with all these relatives carting off valuables. Then I looked at this mack tabby and thought- “You are more valuable then they are.” I told Elsa, I don’t know the law but I think they might be breaking a few. There was apparently no will.

As I made my way back to my rig, I almost got mowed down by six burly men wrangling a baby grand through the driveway! no regards for this kitty who has been this woman’s constant for years. Now, Clayton is in an outside enclosure until I can figure out how to bring him inside. George built a warming room in there- so he will be warm and he will be safe. With his age, I don’t think I can place him, but I will certainly try. He is crying almost non-stop very quietly, I know his heart is broken and he doesn’t understand why all of a sudden his world isn’t his any longer.