There is no sarcasm in this post when I say I want to thank all of you who spent a moment or two and sent me your criticisms both public and private about the girls and how it all was handled. Although some of the personal emails were hard to read (I am not as tough as I need to be when I am attacked) They did drive me to my knees and ask God for guidance. (That was late last night) This morning, the new mom called me and apologized and said although Trick was running around the house, perfectly relaxed and happy, she did not think it was going to work out in her heart. She found herself comparing Trick to her previous cat who she lost several years ago. The comparison was making her sad all the time and she didn’t like the place it was taking her. In short, she hasn’t stopped grieving and therefore cannot move forward.
Long story short, another drive up there to fetch Trick back and she is now in a cage in the bedroom with her sister and they both have my profuse apology. They are not going anywhere until they re-adapt to each other then they will move on in life together. It’s hard to be criticized, but it builds character after the hurt goes away. Laura had asked me to place these two before she left the world, so she could see photos of where they were going to live. I am not going to tell her about this recent development and the hospice worker agrees. There is now a network of Aby lovers invested in this story and interested in adopting both of the cats, so although it makes me out to be a fool, everything has happened for a reason.
I do want to say one thing. Words are very powerful and it seems to me on the Internet, they flow sometimes without a lot of guidance behind them. You can stay anonymous and inflict pain and uncertainty on others and never pay the price for those comments. It is the person receiving those comments who suffers- so just remember that next time you wish to react to ANYTHING posted anywhere on the Net. Type with kind hands and a gentle heart and the end result may surprise you.
If you will excuse me, I have two traumatized, grieving Abyssinians who need me right now.
I am feeling very down because one of my ferals is dying. She had two litters and I adopted out several, including Missy, our 5 year old Torty. We call her “Grandma” because she’s always been there for her kittens. She is old, maybe 15 years or so, and when I first met her, she was a typical feral, scared and standoffish, but in recent months, she was getting close to me, even letting me pet her. I have colonies that I take care and probably better than most people who maintain colonies. You have no idea of the love I have for these guys.
Anyway, Grandma has been looking like times are near and it is hard for me because I love her and don’t want to lose her, but I know that time is near, if not already here. I haven’t seen her for 4 days and believe she is somewhere dying. I have looked all around for her, but can’t find her….you know how cats are.
That’s where I found your site, while searching for info on feral cats behavior when dying. I need to reach out to someone and tell my story of my love for these ferals I’ve been loving and protecting for so many years. I’ve been up against assholes who hate cats and tried to trap them, but I confronted them and won, although that battle is never won as you well know. Just to let you know I share your passion for these critters who have to live in the shadows and I make it my life to give them a better life.
Thanks for listening.
Hugs!
Laura was right, “You are good people.”
Mike,
My heart breaks for you at the loss. You are right though, if it is time, Grandma will just go to ground close her eyes and exit this world. That is the stray way. Thank you for caring, for opening your heart and your pocketbook for the needs of this cat and her offspring. I am surrounded by people who don’t give a damn about the cats in this area. It is always nice to hear from those who do- God Bless You and may you continue your good work and be blessed.
The poor girls are probably missing their first guardian. It’s sad. Hopefully, after some time, they can relax and find the perfect home – either together or apart, whichever is best.
Hi. Hopefully Trick & Treat will adjust and get used to one another again fairly soon and things will work out for everyone. It is not easy to know the best path to follow for such situations. I have two grey tabby sisters that I adopted in the fall of 2011 when they were returned to a no-kill shelter after 3.5 years in a home. They were adopted out as kittens at 12 weeks, so had been together all their lives. When I got them home, they were both affectionate with me. However, one of them was not at all happy towards her sister. She would hiss, growl and swat at the other. The sister on the receiving end seemed very confused by this and kept wanting to get close to the other one. It took about 3 weeks for things to settle down. I did wonder a few times whether the adoption was going to work out. However, they eventually started being closer to each other. They began sharing a window perch and started grooming each other, etc. They do have disagreements once in a while, but I would say that it is probably just normal behaviour now.
I am so sorry you got lambasted for decisions that you made. Until someone walks in your shoes, the advise (and criticisms) offered are just that. They cannot really know what you should do. I am pretty sure some, if not most of us reading your blog do understand that you are doing the best you can and that our best is different every day. We are only human, and as such cannot possibly know the outcome ahead of time of every choice made. Only our Creator knows that. The kitties will be ok, and you will make good choices for them.
Mary Anne – you are not a foo!
I hope you know I was not trying to hurt you. I just felt sorry for the cats, getting separated, when their world has obviously been turned upside down.
I know the owner wanted them together. It might be wise to keep them a short time yourself in a space together to observe them. I have heard of owners not realizing that one sibling cat was bullying another until one had passed away due to age or illness. The remaining cat coming out of its shell. The owner then feeling bad to realize they would have been happier separated.
You have enough experience to observe these two beauties and see if they adjust to the loss of their loving home and owner and see what is best for them.
I do feel it is a good idea to try and honor the owner’s wishes first and foremost. But not at the happiness of the cats, if it is deemed they cannot get along.
I know that sounds like talking out of two sides of my mouth. Sorry.
Sometimes things have a way of working out on their own. Seems like this is what is happening with the sisters. Here’s hoping the best for the both of them.
I have had too many cats pass through my home that previous owners averred could not tolerate other cats only to have them joyfully join my group or, with a grace period, come to be one of the gang.
There is an extremely popular method of helping rescued dogs adapt to the turmoil and chaos of being rehomed utilized by many dog rescues that I have found immensely successful with cats. It starts of with a minimum of a two week shut down where the dog / cat is caged where it can observe the comings and goings of the new household. Basic care is provided, but the dog/cat is basically left alone to grieve for its old home, watch and learn about the cast of characters sharing its new home, and to bond with its new people / other pets. The period of time is never less than two weeks, sometimes more, depending on the particular animal. Things take time.
With that said, I immensely enjoy your blog and all the knowledge you freely share for the better interests of the cats. Thank you for all you do.
I know I can be blunt and abrasive, but unkindness is never my intention. If my words were among those that caused you distress, I do apologize.
The unkind comments were offered privately, not publicly. Mike called them the cowards in the shadows.
You do what you can. Sometimes it doesn’t work out. I have just welcomed back my foster-cat, Cammie. She was adopted but the person who had adopted her lied to the rescue-group sponsoring Cammie, and the situation was not good at all for her. She is, thankfully, back with me now and has another chance. So too will your Abyssinian girls. There’s only one perfect entity in existence and you pray to Him. The rest of us do the best we can. As for Mike McCullough, fifteen is an old age for a feral cat; Grandma undoubtedly lived as long as she did and as well as she did because of him. God bless the people who take care of those no one else does.